Sadly, there’s no free money for passing Go during this Monopoly challenge.
In more bad news, there’s no Free Parking to raid either. Once again, Monopoly has crushed a thousand millennial dreams before they began. But, if you cast your eyes around the board, there are a wealth of places to visit – so we’ve picked out something fun to do for every square of the Monopoly board. (We’ve left out the tax ones, because you definitely have too much of that already…)
🖤 Old Kent Road
Before we start, I’d just like to apologise for the fact that there’s no brown heart emoji – this is the best I could do. Anyway, onwards!
Fun fact about Old Kent Road: it’s actually the only square on the Monopoly board that’s south of the Thames. In more relevant news, it’ll be the site of two brand new Bakerloo line stations – which you can help name, just FYI – although they won’t be pitching up until 2029 at the earliest. For an option you can do today, take a stroll just a little further north, and you’ll find yourself on the route of the joyously taxing Bermondsey Beer Mile.
🖤 Whitechapel Road
Still not quite sure why these two were grouped together when they’re three miles apart and have the Thames in between them, but whatever. Food is the order of the day here, with cult lamb chops on offer from Tayyabs and brilliant baked goods served up at Rinkoff Bakery – which has been delivering sweet treats to Londoners since 1911.
🚂 Kings Cross Station
Hanging out in train stations isn’t particularly fun, so we’re giving you a choice here. Either you wander around the local area with our nifty guide to Kings Cross, or you can skip the whole ‘London’ aspect of this challenge and head off on a UK city break; Cambridge, York, Durham, and Edinburgh are all just a train ride away.
💙 The Angel, Islington
Conveniently handy for the ever-changing Upper Street, is this one. Fans of architecture and music will find the gorgeous Union Chapel catering for both, with the likes of Elton John, Patti Smith, and Bjork have played here. Head to Little Bat for afters, where a big list of cocktails will keep you entertained into the wee hours.
💙 Euston Road
I’m trying desperately not to make everything in this roundup about food, but I’m quite hungry and it’s hard. Anyway, just off the Euston Road, tucked by the side of Euston Station, is cult restaurant Roti King, which serves up a plethora of delicious Malaysian food – the roti canai is pretty unmissable. For a non-edible option, try the Wellcome Collection and their incredible, thought-provoking exhibits dedicated to healthcare and the human body.
💙 Pentonville Road
Until the strange bedfellows of Old Kent Road and Whitechapel, all the light blue squares are right next door to each other, so you can make a nice little crawl out of them. For the last stop in this part of town, head to Drink, Shop & Do, where you can do… literally everything. No, seriously, if you can imagine it, they’ve probably got it here.
💗 Pall Mall
You’ll want to up your budget for this one, centred around the St James’ area. Recently relocated from Mayfair is Wild Honey, which boasts carefully-considered modern European cooking in a rather upmarket dining room.
⚡️ Electric Company
We’ll take a slight detour south for this one, as naturally, there’s only place that can stand in for the Monopoly board’s generic Electric Company. Battersea Power Station is currently undergoing a massive new development that’ll see the arrival of the Northern line, a beautiful rooftop garden, a scarcely believable sky pool, and even a glass lift in one of the chimneys. Watch it all unfold on a little visit here.
Politicos can venture to the nearby Downing Street and Houses of Parliament for a glimpse at the corridors of power (unlikely), or the latest slow-moving political car crash (likely). If politics aren’t your bag, Trafalgar Studios hosts a cracking slate of plays and musicals, with a good emphasis on new writing.
💗 Northumberland Avenue
Combining afternoon tea with a sightseeing tour, B Bakery vastly expands the scope of your Monopoly tour. Boasting sandwiches, cakes, pastries, and tea, the bus tour whisks you around the sights of Central London – and since it launches from Northumberland Avenue, it’s handily located for our tour. For something stationary, pay a visit to The Sherlock Holmes pub, which features a replica of the legendary detective’s Baker Street flat.
🚂 Marylebone Station
Marylebone is well-placed for a dreamy wander around Regent’s Park, which, depending on the season, might be home to a gorgeous outdoor art show or a programme of spellbinding al fresco theatre. If neither of those is an option, ZSL London Zoo is a year-round option that works for all the family.
🧡 Bow Street
We’re dangerously close to Covent Garden here, so there’s no shortage of things to do. You can catch world-class performances at the Royal Opera House, dive into an avalanche of custard tarts at Santa Nata, or wander a street over for madcap dining at Sarastro or thoughtfully chosen wines from The 10 Cases.
🧡 Marlborough Street
In a slight fib from the Monopoly folks, there’s no actual Marlborough Street in this part of town, so we’ll be using Great Marlborough Street as our reference point here. Treat yourself to a shopping spree at the famous Liberty London, or else head to nearby Kingly Court for an absolute embarrassment of foodie options.
🧡 Vine Street
Time for a quick stop off at the shortest street featured on the Monopoly board. Vine Street is small and out of the way, but it’s undeniably handy for the epic, twelve-foot noodles of Murger Han on adjacent Sackville Street, or for the mesmerising plastinated bodies at Body Worlds.
Something thought-provoking is usually taking place at Somerset House, whether that be a photography display or an art installation in the courtyard. Winter, meanwhile, sees the return of their atmospheric ice rink, perfect for something a little different. Elsewhere on the Strand, you can casually nip into one of London’s best cocktail bars – the American Bar at The Savoy – for a post-prandial concoction.
❤️ Fleet Street
Given its history with the newspaper industry, Fleet Street has heard its fair share of gossip down the years. Most likely, scandalous stories have broken and whispered interviews have taken place in the nooks and crannies of Ye Olde Cheshire Cheese, one of London’s oldest pubs and a superb spot for a restorative pint.
❤️ Trafalgar Square
It’s all about art here, starting with a recreation of the Lamassu (a giant winged bull) which sits atop the square’s fabled Fourth Plinth. From there, you’re well placed to take a leisurely wander around the National Gallery, where top art exhibitions are rarely in short supply.
🚂 Fenchurch Street Station
Unless you’re heading to outer east London or south Essex, you’re probably not spending much time around Fenchurch Street station. Perhaps you should spend some time above it instead? Nearby rooftop garden The Garden at 120 offers lovely views over the city, and London’s stunning Sky Garden is a short walk away too. Best of all, they’re both free to visit!
💛 Leicester Square
M&M World, anyone? I am of course kidding – head to Chinatown for a more authentic experience, whether that be taiyaki ice cream cones from Bake, or by chowing down at these excellent restaurants. Elsewhere around Leicester Square, you can sip floral cocktails in the gorgeously green Garden Room bar, or catch an epic film marathon (in the spirit of this insane Harry Potter marathon) at the Prince Charles Cinema.
💛 Coventry Street
Coventry Street is blessed with one of London’s top comedy clubs in the form of The Comedy Store, guaranteed to add a little more comic relief to this adventure. Meanwhile, a wander up adjoining Rupert Street brings you to Yolkin, home of these jaw-dropping macaroon ice cream sandwiches.
💧 Water Works
Another quick diversion courtesy of the second utility on the board. Actually, quick might not be the operative word, as this one is way out in south east London, and the water ain’t exactly drinkable. Still, Crossness Pumping Station – despite being a Victorian sewage station – is incredibly ornate, and a pretty niche place to tick off your bucket list.
Can’t afford The Ritz, but still want to feel fancy? Head to historic bookshop Hatchards, which boasts four floors of literature, and three Royal Warrants – yup, this place is the official bookseller to the Royal Family themselves. If Liz is reading it, you know it came from here.
💚 Regent Street
Shopping better be on your list for this one, because you’ll find no end of opportunities on Regent Street. Kids and adults alike will go nuts for Hamley’s massive Harry Potter department, and if you pop along from mid-November, you’ll see the street’s angelic Christmas lights shining bright.
💚 Oxford Street
Dodging tourists does not a day out make, so round up a gang of pals and do battle across the fairways of Swingers‘ zany crazy golf course. No need to bring a caddy, because they’ll ferry cocktails your way – just focus on besting the competition!
💚 Bond Street
In this part of town, Selfridges tends to hoover up punters like it’s got its own gravitational pull, but for those of you who are all shopped out, a wander up St Christopher’s Place provides plenty of places to take the weight off your feet. Try Hoppers if you’d like to pair that rest with a delicious Sri Lankan meal.
🚂 Liverpool Street Station
I won’t lie to you, the most enticing option around here doesn’t arrive until 2020, when massive Italian food hall Eataly is slated to open. Right now, your best options are to strike out for market curiosities at Old Spitalfields Market, or grab a booth in 24-hour joint Polo Bar and watch the world go by. Alternatively, trains from Liverpool Street can take you to several of these gorgeous villages!
💜 Park Lane
Don’t let the Monopoly price put you off, because you can still stick to a budget in this part of town. Watching the soapbox pontificators at Speaker’s Corner won’t cost you a penny, and coffee and cake at the Park Lane outpost of the prettily pink Elan Cafe can be done for (just) under a tenner. At the wildly extravagant end of the spectrum, however, is the £140 tasting menu at three Michelin star eatery Alain Ducasse at the Dorchester.
Our final stop, and quite a challenging one given that it represents an entire area rather than a single street. You can conjure up quite the day out from The Chesterfield’s vintage sweet-themed afternoon tea, sub-zero cocktails from Ice Bar London, and a blowout Cantonese feast courtesy of Hakkasan. And once you’ve done that… maybe Pass Go and start again?
In other news, have you played the depressingly accurate ‘Millennial Monopoly’ yet?
Featured image: William Warby
Also published on Medium.