‘Millennial Monopoly’ Is Now A Real Product, Because We’re All Too Poor To Afford Houses

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Monopoly For Millennials

So, it’s come to this.

Structural economic forces have conspired to make homeownership an impossible dream for a generation, which I suppose is quite funny? At least it seems a shame not to monetize it the deadening sense of financial dislocation, which is where Hasbro US come in!

The brand new Monopoly version, which, I’m 100% not joking, has the tagline ‘Forget real estate! You can’t afford it anyway!’ is, apparently, all about embracing experiences over things.

‘Instead of collecting as much cash as possible, players are challenged to rack up the most Experiences to win.

Travel around the gameboard discovering and visiting cool places to eat, shop, and relax. Interact with other players via Chance and Community Chest cards, (which are super relatable). And players don’t pay rent — they visit one another, earning more Experience points.’

Locations on offer include ‘Friend’s Couch’, ‘the Vegan Bistro’ and the ‘Week-Long Meditation Retreat.’ KILL ME.

Monopoly Millennials

Gameplay pieces include the hashtag, crying/laughing emoji, the fixie and a DSLR. The tagline? ‘ADULTING IS HARD, YOU DESERVE A BREAK FROM THE RAT RACE.

Truly, these are the end times. As one millennial reviewer said:

“Even though the world is on fire right now, and everyone is questioning their own existence, this game is fun for all… mostly boomers.

But it’s full of fun stuff that the millennials can relate like the Facebook, or that ChatSnappy things. And look, it features me! Look how cool I look! Alright, I’m going to take a money bath and wear my special money suit because today is a good day and I’m happy.”

Fortunately, it’s currently US-only, available from lovable mom-and-pop store Walmart (market cap $309 billion) for $20 of your useless millennial dollars. [via Gizmodo]

See also: this depressing tube map will show you where you can afford to live in London

Guy Parsons

Guy Parsons

Guy is the editor-in-chief of Secret London. He likes running, cover versions and scotch.