You’ve made it. You’ve swiped right. You’ve fooled them with a crafty-angle selfie and a flattering filter. And now it’s date time. But this isn’t just any old date. This is a Tinder date. Meaning risk potential is off the scale. We’ve got together a list of some of the worst real life Tinder experiences – and provided a solution to ensure that they will never happen to you.
s**Disclaimer: Secret London cannot actually ensure that they will never happen to you. There are a lot of nutters in this world.**
1. “I got there and it was silent. Like the entire date, we didn’t speak at all.”
SL Solution: Do something where speaking isn’t necessary.
2. “She got so drunk that I had to put her to bed. Like actually put her into her bed. And then I went home.”
SL Solution: NIBBLES!
No one backs themselves to endure a three course meal on a first date. But a bit of sustenance is very necessary to line the stomach. Sager and Wilde on Hackney Rd get it right. Perfectly low-key and quietly sophisticated, there are no fancy-pants canapés in sight – just delicious grilled cheeses alongside even more perfect wine choices. Risk of date sickness = practically 0. Problem solved.
3. “Im waiting for my Tinder date to show up now! Edit: She never showed up.”
SL Solution: Go somewhere where it will be easy to make new friends.
4. “The first person I met on Tinder peed on me.”
SL Solution: Go somewhere where the toilets are so incredible they couldn’t possibly want to pee anywhere else.
A visit to the loos at Sketch’s Mayfair restaurant is kind of like stumbling across a multi-coloured spaceship in the middle of Soho. Relieving yourself in one of the mood-lit booths whilst listening to the ambient sounds of birdsong definitely counts for an experience in itself – and hopefully will be attractive enough to prevent any extra-urinary activity. If not, you should be very, very worried.
5. “He showed me a picture of his wife and kids.”
SL Solution: Get. Out. Of. There.
So basically you’ve got two options here: hurl yourself off the roof of the gorgeous Sanctum Soho Hotel in a desperate bid to escape the absolute creep you’ve ended up on a date with or “get lost” amongst the mass of beautiful people that will be gathering there this Saturday for the Roxx’ On The Roof party (and find yourself a new date). We’re leaning towards the latter. Tickets to this party cost £15 and can be purchased by downloading the Fever app. Doors open at 3pm and we’d recommend getting down there early to bag a spot in the hot tub. This could be the best date you’ve ever had. And if it’s the worst – you know where the exit is.