17 Phrases You’ll Read On Spareroom VS What They Actually Mean

The London Flatshare: As much an integral part of moving to London in your 20s as Friday Nights in Strawberry Moons and McDonalds for breakfast, lunch and dinner. It can be hard to find the perfect flat, (and the perfect flatmates), so we’ve created a helpful guide to common phrases used by landlords/flatmates on Spareroom and what they mean in reality…

 

1. ‘Very close to the city.’

In Hertfordshire.

2. ‘Available to move in immediately.’

We NEED someone to take this room so that the rest of our rent doesn’t double.

3. ’10 minute walk to Whitechapel.’

25 minute walk to Whitechapel.

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4. ‘Cosy.’

Tiny.

5. ‘Amazing.’

There is no limescale on the bathroom walls.

6. ‘Bright and extremely well lit.’

There is a street light right outside your bedroom window.

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7. ‘One week free rent if you move in straight away!’

I am begging anyone to take this room off my hands.

8. ‘Super fast fibre optic WIFI…’

… If you ask the neighbours for their password.

9. ‘Period conversion Victorian villa.’

Everything is broken or falling apart and also everything smells musty and old.

10. ‘Current flatmates: 1 couple, non smokers.’

You will have to listen to so many sexy times. They probably also smoke.

11. ‘It’s actually on the Central Line.’

It’s in Epping.

12. ‘Vibrant street art.’

Lots and lots of graffiti. Probably using the C word.

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[flickr: Paul Robertson]
13. ‘Posh area.’

There’s a Pret nearby.

14. ‘Fully Furnished.’

We hope you like Ikea!

15. ‘Fantastic amenities.’

There was once a Tesco Express a 10 minute walk away… but it closed down.

16. ‘No Couples…’

… Unless you pay for two rooms and two sets of bills. Thanks.

17. ‘Surrounded by wonderful nature.’

There is a bush covering the entire house.

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Feature Image: [Morning by Foley]

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