This is exceedingly selfish of us, but tbh people need to know. If you subtly/not so subtly link someone to this post then we promise to take all the flack (and to those who have been linked here, we judgeth thee).
1. A courgetti machine.
Unless you have the word ‘Deliciously’ parked in front of your twitter handle then STEP AWAY. All anyone needs is a friend who got one in 2013 and never used it so is happy to pass the parcel, so to speak. Also why are you policing your mates diet? What you’re doing is called carb corruption and it has to STOP.
2. A Lynx gift set.
Nothing smacks of insincerity more than a spray/shower gel/loofah combo. Also have you smelt Lynx?
3. A Soap&Glory gift set.
Actually scratch that- nothing smacks of insincerity more than a leftover 3 for 2 boots tag on one of these babies.
4. Acrylic socks.
Everyone loves getting socks for Christmas because we ALL need them, since they disappear every 2 weeks to the laundry goblins (tell me I’m wrong) but synthetic socks?? The kind that fade, bobble and get holey after one wash? Where is your decency?!
5. A novelty tea strainer.
As if we actually buy tea leaves. We’re all too lazy to do such a thing. Put your tea bag into it and accept that nothing beats PG Tip’s basic bitch bag.
6. A framed inspirational quote.
This we may ourselves be guilty of, unfortunately. What may seem like such a sweet idea at the time quickly unravels when our ‘Keep Calm’ A5 poster garners unfavourable looks from our best mate, who takes us aside to ask us if we’ve ‘got beef’.
7. ‘Couples’ Gifts.
Matching mugs are often the culprits here though novelty pillows do crop up. Basically, if it has King or Queen on it then take a look at your life choices.
8. An ‘I.O.U.’ note.
This does depend on who gives you the note because if it’s from your mum you know there’s a heavily guilt-ridden gift card headed your way. But if it’s from flaky second cousin Mandy then consider yourself parred off.
9. A phone case that doesn’t fit your phone.
Well meaning (and often senior) family members may have thought they were being particularly edgy and avant-garde purchasing a phone case for their ‘youthful’ niece/nephew, granddaughter/son but no one told them it wasn’t a ‘one size fits all’ jobby, so now you’re left with a sparkly iPhone 6 case to cocoon your shabby 5c.
10. ‘The Dress’.
You should never revive a meme (for many, many reasons) but to buy this dress is to buy into capitalism, consumerism and conspiratorial craziness. Also, it’s so not chic.