‘While attempting to exercise in London’, the title should read. Anyway, here’s a list of buzzwords/phrases for all you luminescent joggers and strobe-light cyclists:
1) “I wonder if I could jog there, and then get the bus back.”
2) “I wonder if the pockets in these exercise pants are big enough to hold a phone, wallet, inhaler and snack bar.”
3) “I should probably pop into that Costa and get a coffee to boost my energy levels.”
4) “Has it been 5 miles yet?” Checks tracking app. “Oh, 5 metres.”
5) “I wonder if I can pick up this call and keep running.”
6) *Panting like a dog down the phone: “I shouldn’t have picked up that call.”
7) “I’ll run through Battersea Park. Then it’ll look like I’m on Made in Chelsea.”
9) “I’ve carried my bike down 2 flights of stairs, that’s probably enough exercise. I’ll put it back.”
10) “If I cycle to work, will I die?”
11) “If I cycle to work and make it, will I die when I cycle home?”
12) “Are spinning classes supposed to look like warehouse raves, or did I pick the wrong one?”
13) “This instructor is shouting really, really loud, and I’m starting to get scared.”
14) “It’s not that I’m not trying to do what you’re saying, Mr Instructor. It’s just that I can’t right now.”
15) “Maybe I’ll start taking some protein. If I can find a spare £300.”
16) “If my dog runs around a lot, does that count as exercise for me?”
17) “My dog has better technique than me.”
18) “I’ve walked a lot today between work, home and the pub. That’s got to be exercise.”
19) “If I do 20 minutes on the treadmill tonight, that should work off the 17 pints, 4 Jägerbombs and 2 shots of tequila I had over the weekend.”
20) “I want to go to the work gym, but I’m worried my colleagues will see me in a different light.”
21) “Why is exercise so popular, it’s no fun at all.”
