Rich People Who Know How to Exercise and Socialise

London
(Episode 1): Humphrey and Jemima go for a coffee

The episode begins with some artistic shots of London, and a few glimpses of cars you’ll never be able to afford. In the background, the theme song of ‘Cool Air’ by On-Trend Electro Band dies away, and the camera pans into a Chelsea coffee shop that has paid over the odds to feature on the show.

Humphrey and Jemima are sitting at a table with a coffee, or maybe a Bloody Mary. They’ve just arrived and, cooing, kissed each other 3 times on either cheek before taking a seat with a big contented sigh. Humphrey now begins with some entirely natural and completely unforced conversation:

Large Jaw
[via Myke Mitch]
“So…”

“Yeah, so,” echoes Jemima, pouting so much that her lips might fall off her face. Neither quite knows what to say, as they’ve both been ordered by the producers to be there, but haven’t been given a script. They have a deep and meaningful silence while they both look around awkwardly, and a bit more trendy music fades in. The episode cuts to a quick 6-minute advert break for respite.

Once enough makeup and girls’ fashion ads have aired, the episode returns to the coffee shop. Humphrey has launched into another intellectually stimulating conversation, and now goes for a killer question.“You wanna, like, go to Barbados?”

Jemima ponders for a bit-

“-yeah.”

Both clearly relaxing a little with the relief of having achieved something meaningful, the characters share a short and unconvincing laugh. They then briefly discuss what to pack, and how their rich and extremely good-looking friend Edgar hasn’t been in contact for a while. Immediately, Humphrey’s phone buzzes and, in a shocking plot twist, it’s a call from Edgar. Humphrey picks up with a chuckle, a snortle and a giggle, and then invites Edgar to Barbados. The episode ends here, abruptly and without explanation.

Short preview of next week that for no apparent reason gives away the entire plot for the episode

Humphrey hasn’t realised that Edgar used to be romantically involved with Jemima, whom Humphrey is hoping to date. In Barbados, an awkward love triangle will be set up between Humphrey, Jemima and Edgar, and when Jemima’s lifelong friend, Lucinda, turns up, Jemima will confess all to her (conveniently gorgeous) childhood companion, before bursting into tears. Lucinda will help by sleeping with both Humphrey and Edgar. With all details divulged, there’s now absolutely no reason why you should watch the next episode, but you’ll do it anyway because your friends talk about the show and you don’t want to feel left out.

 

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