Tired of twee Christmas fascinations? Cidade Albanoel is your antidote.
I’ll be the first to throw my hands up and say this article has very little to do with London. But I’ve decided to write it on two grounds – one, the fact that it’s Christmastime. And two, how could I not? For I have just discovered the curiosity known as Cidade Albanoel, the monumentally terrifying Christmas theme park hidden in the foothills of Brazil. Should you happen upon it, you’ll know that you’ve jingled all the way to hell – so let’s take a closer look at this festive hellscape, shall we?
Cidade Albanoel was the brainchild of local politician Antonio Albano Reis, who envisaged a huge theme park filled with a variety of themed zones. Sitting just along the coast from Rio de Janeiro, it would have been a major tourist draw, featuring an Old West town, a concert hall, a waterpark, and a replica of Christ the Redeemer.
Having stood abandoned for over a decade, the park is – there’s no other word for it – HAUNTING. Giant Santa heads, candy canes, and snow-white reindeer all sit decaying, as the tropical climate turns the place to rust. No need to try and decide whether you’ve been naughty or nice – we’ve all been naughty if this is the Santa we’ve ended up with:
You though it was twelve sleeps until Christmas? You thought wrong, because there is no sleeping after what we’ve just witnessed. Merry Christmas, everyone!