“New year, new me”. Possibly the most insufferable phrase of the 21st century . Up there with #eatclean and “I’m not being rude, but…” – and one which almost every Londoner is guilty of at least thinking. It’s only natural, we get it. Christmas happened. New Year’s Eve happened. Instagram and Facebook is inundated with new food and exercise fads, Dryanuary posts and #healthy #happy #rawfoodporn. But it’s two weeks in now, and we bet (despite the fraudulent publicising…) that at least half of you Londoners will have broken these resolutions by now…are we right? Or are we right?
1. What: Eat no sugar. How: Wine, brown sugar and chocolate (on a Sunday) doesn’t count.
2. What: Be more assertive. How: You’re just talking louder.
3. What: Use phone less. How: You’ve downloaded an app to help you. (Yep, there is such a thing).
4. What: Take up yoga. How: Starfishing in bed. Really?
5. What: Eat healthily/become vegan. How: Putting coconut oil on top of your cheeseburger isn’t a thing.
6. What: Save money. How: Because you needed that blender and health food (and new clothes in anticipation) for number 5. And, London.
7. What: Walk to work. How: You don’t even walk up the tube escalators any more.
8. What: Know more about social affairs. How: How Leo looked at Gaga does not count as social affairs.
9. What: Do more cultural things at the weekend. How: Pants. Pants. Pants.
10. What: Swear less. How: You left the lid off your blender when making a smoothie (milkshake).
11. What: Not to get excessively drunk. How: It turns out excessive isn’t as much of a relative definition as first thought.
12. What: Spend less time looking at memes. How: …
13. What: Have some special ‘me’ time every week. How: Not doing anything else other than ”me’ time’ to warrant it being called ‘special’.
14. What: Smile more. How: London.
15. What: To keep your New Year’s Resolutions. How: In one year, and out the other.
Featured Image Credit: Neil Andrews (Instagram: @mumhad1ofthose)