12 Reasons Why The London Tube Strike Is About To Ruin Your Life

Gird your loins. The tube strike is upon us – and it’s set to be the biggest for over a decade. We’ve heard rumours of a “complete shutdown” across the capital, as well as possible WW3 outbreak; something near to an apocalypse; and waits so long they make queues for the One Direction world tour look positively brief. Basically, life as you know it = over. Queue, cry, tweet, repeat. You will get through this.


1. TFL will assure you that if you “plan ahead” you will be okay.

But unless “planning ahead” is code for pulling a sickie – you’re screwed.  



2. You’ll be provided with a list of infuriatingly positive maps offering optimistic walking distances and alternative routes.

2hr 17 minute hike into work anyone?


3. But essentially this is all you really need to know:


4. It will make you hate smug cyclists more than you already do.
(But at least he knows it himself)


5. If it’s your birthday, you’re about to have the worst birthday of your life.

All plans will be cancelled. No one will visit you. In fact, people won’t even call. Didn’t you hear all methods of communication are going to be down too?


6. People are going to start talking to you on public transport.

[City AM]


7. And if you thought chatting was bad, just wait for this…

Audience participation? I’d sooner hurl myself off the top deck.


8. Oh and did we mention the queues?
[Daily Mail]
9. No?
[Clapham Tandoori]
10. You’re going to die.
11. Yuh dun kno.


12. Wish me luck. I’m going in.



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