Yes, we know we should mind the gap. Yes, we know we live in an expensive city and pay extortionate rent prices. And yes, the sound of foxes having sex is as awful as people say. We’re pretty used to the sound of the hustle and bustle and the huffs and puffs of London commuters (after all, we contribute to those noises), but there are some things that we have really heard enough of already.
1. “That will be £28.50 please”
2. “We’re just being held at a red signal but will hopefully be moving again shortly”
Yaaaaawn.
3. “Please move right down inside the car”
4. “Please mind the gap between the train and the platform”
Yeah, yeah, we know.
5. “A good service is operating on all London Underground lines.”
Errr, we call bullshit. This is never realllly the case, is it? A six minute wait for a Central line train is not a “good” service. (But maybe we just have high expectations).
6. The sound of sirens.
7. The sound of the the tube screeching so f*cking loudly that you can’t even hear yourself think.
8. Three words: replacement bus service…
Kill. Us. Now.
9. “You must know all the cool places to go”
10. “How do you afford to live?”
Simply answer is, I don’t.
11. “Jesus, how much rent do you pay?”
12. “Do you want to go for dinner?”
Yes of course I do, but I wish you’d all stop asking because now I have to say yes and that’s another £20 I’ll be putting into my stomach.
13. “You’ll be able to direct us, right? You must know this place like the back of your hand by now”
14. “Your journey to work must be so easy”
Nothing about travelling in London is easy. Especially at rush hour.
15. The sound of foxes having sex.
16. “We’re sorry for the delay in this service”
But are you really though, Barry? You don’t sound very sorry to me.
17. “We don’t do Happy Hour at weekends”
But why not? They’re the happiest of hours?
[Feature Image: @georgiehoole]