There are some things that you couldn’t possibly prepare yourself for. Some of them will surprise you, most of them will not. These 21 things will either serve as a heads-up, or incite some sort of nostalgia for those first few weeks you spent in the city.
Things you learn when you move to London
1. Holborn is not pronounced the way you thought it was
That one stung.
2. Nor is Marylebone (Although it still might take you a few years to get that one right)
I did it in one.
3. ‘I hate people’ will become your most commonly-used phrase
And it can be justified… unless you’re the one people hate.
4. Eye contact is a myth. You will start to question how you ever managed it before you got here
Don’t look directly at me.
5. The phrase “You wait ages for a bus, and then three come along at once!” is not some idiomatic joke, it’s legitimately how things work around here
6. 60% of your pay goes on rent. And that’s if you’re one of the lucky ones
7. The remaining 40% goes on overpriced cocktails and boozy Tuesday work lunches, because life
8. That driving licence was a total waste of time and money
Two words… 1. Traffic and 2. Jam.
9. You can never rely on public transport to get you anywhere on time. Delays, red signals, people leaning on tube doors or “planned engineering works” can happen at any moment. There’s no rhyme or reason to it
Get around by using vibes.
10. Eye rolls are a Londoners’ only form of confrontation.
It’s like being swung for.
11. There are some tube journeys that you’d be better off doing by foot (If you still haven’t discovered these, this map should help you out)
-Chuckles in Covent Garden to Leicester Square-
12. You’ll learn that London is full of bizarre food trends, and you’ll start hearing about things like these 12-foot noodles and not even bat an eyelid
13. The buttons on the tube doors serve no purpose, and people will laugh if you as much as raise a hand towards them
HAHAHAHA THEY PRESSED THE BUTTON HAHAHAHA FOOOOOOOLS.
14. You might think that, now you’re a big city dweller with a proper adult job, you’ll be able to actually save some money. But you’ll soon learn that there is absolutely no chance of that, and you were actually better off without the adult job or the adult responsibilities or the adult BILLS TO PAY
It’s a bitter pill to swallow.
15. There’s more to coffee than Starbucks and Pret (Check out these lovely east London coffee shops)
16. You’ll discover that no workout will make you sweat as much as the tube.
It’s like an assault course in the summer.
17. And people will not treat you kindly if you stand on the left of the escalator
MOVE RIGHT NOW OR YOU WILL FACE THE DRASTIC CONSEQUENCES.
18. Brunch, although seemingly an amalgamation of the words “breakfast” and “lunch”, actually happens at about 3pm
19. You’ll also learn that brunch is – more often than not – washed down with booze (Check out these brilliant bottomless brunches)
20. And finally, you’ll learn that London is the best city in the world, because duh
Also published on Medium.