It’s been 5 whole years since the darlings of England tied the knot. FIVE YEARS! Blimey. So, we wonder, what exactly has happened during that time? Well to start with, two little munchkins were born (George and Charlotte)…and…erhm, well the night tube was delayed…again…and again? Oh yes, there was some sort of sporting event that took place, rhyming with ‘scholympics’…in fact come to think about it, an awful lot has gone on! Therefore we would like to take a moment in order to get in touch with our inward Mystic Meg and have a little guess as to what will have happened/how London might have changed in the subsequent 5 years. Serious suggestions only, of course!
1. The night tube will still not have started running.
2. But it will now be called the ‘nevergonnahappen tube’ by everyone.
3. Including TfL.
4. House prices will have risen so much that even the Queen will have had to start renting out rooms in Buckingham Pal just to be keep able to keep up with the mortgage.
5. Although 10 Downing would still be Prime Minister-only as they wouldn’t pay mortgages.
6. Or tax……
7. The Northern Line will be so quick that it will get from end to end in under 20 mins.
8. With no delays.
9. Lol, jk, lmao, rofl – as if that would ever happen.
10. The mayor will be someone from Made in Chelsea.
11. Because honestly, that was the only viable option.
10. Boris Johnson will have given up politics and opened his own cat cafe in Shoreditch.
11. The hair, however, would still be going strong. Maybe even fashionable!
12. Or not…
13. Big Ben will be digitalised.
14. “I’m only going for one” will actually mean only going for one as it would now be £17 a pint.
15. And it would now be cheaper to commute from Antartica than zone 6.
16. Self-checkouts will still be shit and the most infuriating part of everyone’s day. But they will also be the only option…
17. Coffee will now be extracted from a hipster’s faeces and drank in its deconstructed form from the lining of an Outer Mongolian llama’s stomach that has carried the same beans across the Tibetan Plateau with its eyes shut.
18. Thanks to ‘gentrification amplified’.
19. But Pret will still be going strong, so that’s ok…
Featured Image Credit: LondonTopia