Because what could be worse than having to tell someone how we’re actually feeling? And is there a more disturbing phrase than “opening up”? **Shudders and averts eye contact**
1. “I might pop down” = “But I almost definitely won’t”
2. “One more for the road” = “5 more then I’m done”
3. “Only if you’re having one” = “Please have one”
4. “I’ll give you a text” = “I’ll be watching Netflix”
5. “I’ll see how I feel” = “I’ll be feeling Netflix”
6. “Sounds interesting” = “So is Netflix”
7. “Can I grab you for 2 minutes?” = “You’re going to talk to me for a minimum of 5 minutes”
8. “What are you having?” = “Please tell me it contains alcohol”
9. “No honestly it’s fine” = “I’ve never felt so seething with rage in my life”
10. “I’m off to bed” = “I’m going to do some horizontal Instagram scrolling for two hours”
11. “Each to their own” = “I’m judging someone hard”
12. “What time’s your train?” = “Bugger off”
13. “Excuse me is that seat taken?” = “If you don’t move your bag in 1 minute I’ll put it in the bin”
14. “He’s a bit of a one” = “He’s an absolute arse hole”
15. “It’s just a little something” = “I spent 13 days internet shopping to try and find this”
16. “Quick drink?” = “6 drinks?”
17. “Good for you!” = “I hate you”
18. “In your time” = “Please be quick”
19. [On phone] “Goodbye now, yep, okay, yep yep, alright, bye-bye, bye, yep, bye.” = “Bye”
Featured Image Credit: Flickr Markus