Shopping in London can be pretty stressful any day of the year. Shopping in London on Black Friday however is something that, personally, I would rather shit in my hand and clap than partake in. (We apologise, we’re aware that was horrifically graphic!) Imagine the pains of elbowing your way through Oxford Street on a random weekday. Now times that by 10000 on the ‘omg-please-no’ scale and that’s what Black Friday will be like. Here are 18 things that we would rather do than go shopping in London on Black Friday…
1. Eat every dish from the Semen cooking class.
2. Take a black cab from Canary Wharf to Wembley.
3. Repeatedly ride the Central Line from start to finish for an entire day.
4. Adopt the next 4 rats that you see on a tube platform.
5. Eat a street pigeon.
6. Buy a round at the pub for your entire office.
7. Stand in line at a new restaurant opening for 2 and a half hours.
8. Take the stairs at Covent Garden station.
9. Swim across the Thames.
10. Reply to every random dick-pic message on Tinder.
11. Spend an entire afternoon in M&M world.
12. Take photos for a line of tourists at Westminster.
13. Shop exclusively in Cyberdog for the rest of your life.
14. Spend £9.90 for a single pint of Fosters.
15. Tell every person you ever meet that you voted for Brexit.
16. Have every drunken conversation you’ve ever had with an Uber driver published to your Facebook page.
17. Lick every pole in the middle of every tube carriage you ever get on.
18. Intentionally make eye contact on public transport.
Saying all this, if you do fancy perusing some Black Friday deals from the comfort of your own phone, download Fever here and get a 25% discount when you use the code “BLACKLON” at checkout
Feature Image: [flickr: Cristiano Betta]