Ever wondered what inhabits those fancy tall buildings that tower over the City? Offices. And ever wondered what inhabits those run-down buildings from which the smell of three month-old biscuits and mothballs emanates? Offices. Even if you work from home, your living room can still embody the claustrophobic, monotonous bore-athon that is an office. We reckon that from a month onwards – once the honeymoon period of free tea and coffee and a swively chair is over – these things will start to happen. And. They. Will. Never. Stop. Until the weekend, obvs. And then it starts all over again…mwuahaha.
1. 70% of your day will be spent looking at the clock.
2. And accordingly consistently being shocked at how optimistic you are when it comes to guessing the time.
3. You’ll spend more time in the toilet than you did that time you had explosive diarrhoea.
4. And you’ll swiftly stop caring that your colleagues may think that’s why you visit them so often.
5. You’ll develop some invaluable new skills…
6. Such as closing computer tabs faster than the speed of light when you’re boss walks past.
7. And having sex thoughts about people you aren’t remotely attracted to because there’s nothing else to do.
8. You will stalk all of your colleagues on social media just to see what they’re like in real life.
9. And you will get busted when you correct Jeanine that her holiday to Corfu was in fact 2009 not 2008.
10. Your willpower will be paramount after the self-restraint exercised from not checking your group chat. That will usually be discussing tonight’s drinks.
11. But you’ll spend the last 20 minutes of work on CityMapper attempting to figure out exactly how to get to said drinks.
12. You’ll consistently wonder how much your offices cost to rent.
13. And fantasise daily about what that office rent money could buy you in Holland Park.
14. You will develop a serious addiction to coffee.
15. And biscuits.
16. Despite the fact that the remaining 30% of your time not spent staring at the clock will be spent trawling through vegan cake recipes and fitness-for-those-with-no-time blogs.
17. You’ll convince yourself that if you worked in an office in any other city it wouldn’t be as bad because you wouldn’t have your hour-long commute too.
18. But you’d never work anywhere else…because, well, London!
19. Plus, the colleagues you once thought were weird are now your best friends. Because they are the only people you see. Ever. ?
Featured Image Credit: PrimeTime