If you’re too high brow to snigger at Cockfosters, then chances are you’re going to be too high brow for these too. These are all real places in real locations in London – we’re being serious – and nothing has been photoshopped here. If you type them into CityMapper and follow the instructions, you’ll end up there – and let’s face it, then probably turn around and go straight back home again. Oh the joys of the English language… Here’s a rundown of 10 of the rudest-sounding London street names:
1. Cock Lane, EC1
No but someone actually lives here. It’s a small street right in the heart of Smithfield in the City of London, and in the Medieval period, it was known as Cokkes Lane and was the site of legal brothels. It’s also rumoured to be haunted by a ghost called ‘Scratching Fanny’ – no we’re not making this up. Ah you’ve got to love Blighty sometimes!
2. Bird In Bush Road, SE15
Just so suggestive… And we still haven’t really worked out why. This Peckham spot links Old Kent Road with Commercial Way, and there’s even Bird In Bush Park here too. No sniggering now…
3. Bellenden Road, SE15
You can’t be serious! No we 100% are, and this road is actually really very nice thank you very much! There are loads of restaurants here – Ganapati and The Begging Bowl are two of our favourites – as well as pubs, bookshops, bakeries and more. Keep your eye out for the street art adorning the brickwork too!
4. Hookers Road, E17
Some people just really like front row rugby union positions. That, or… Hookers Road is in Blackhorse Road and is just a stone’s throw from all those bangin’ breweries and the Blackhorse Beer Mile too. Be sensible mind…
5. Clitterhouse Road, NW2
How this one ever got past the Cricklewood council, we do not know. But it’s not just the road – there’s Clitterhouse Park and even Clitterhouse Farm here. See if you can try and find them all…
6. Beaver Close, SE20
This seemed like such a good idea in the 1970s. But nowadays? Maybe not so much. Another of the rudest London street names, Beaver Close is another one down south – this time in Crystal Palace. You’re just a stone’s throw from Crystal Palace Park and its signature dinosaurs. Why not make a day of it hey!?
7. Helmet Row, EC1
Helmet Row is located in Islington just down the road from Old Street tube station – and we think the name does all the explaining for you if we’re honest. It’s home to the Modern Art gallery which has regular exhibitions on throughout the year. So this one is well worth sticking around at!
8. Swallow Street, W1
Swallow Street is a small street right in the heart of the West End, running north for about 341 feet from Piccadilly. There are a load of bougie restaurants here where you can ‘swallow’ some lovely meals (sorry), and there was the famous Stork Club here back in the 1950’s which saw the likes of Ava Gardner, Elizabeth Taylor and even Frank Sinatra visit. Oh darling!
9. Cumming Street, N1
Yep *ahem* – don’t go to this one when it’s raining. Just down the road from the lively boozer The Lexington, Cumming Street is halfway between Angel and King’s Cross St. Pancras, so it’s an easy spot to visit on one of your rambles around town!
10. Balls Pond Road, N1
If you’ve ever got the bus through Dalston, then chances are you’ve found yourself down Balls Pond Road. Just a short stroll from Kingsland Road, there’s a great boozer here called The Duke of Wellington, and they do film and comedy nights here too. Just try not to laugh when the bus driver shouts ‘Balls Pond Road’.
So there you have it – a roundup of the rudest London street names. See how many of these you can tick off your list and get a photo with a rude name photo with!