Living in London changes you – you learn all sorts of new behaviours, habits, and do’s and don’ts that the city teaches you. Being a Londoner is a personality trait. You gain a shorter fuse and find yourself getting annoyed at the tiniest things like waiting five extra minutes for the next bus after having just missed one, you get used to the eye-watering prices for just about anything, and you stop smiling altogether.
Any London newbies or tourists can be easy to spot, so here’s 30 telling signs that you are new to London:
1. Walking at a glacial pace on the pavement or in tube stations – as a matter of fact, walking slow anywhere instead of walking at the speed of lightning
2. You don’t understand the North/South London divide
3. You don’t automatically wake up at your tube or bus stop
4. You aren’t accustomed to having to book weeks or months in advance to any restaurant, effectively ruining any spontaneity and leading to one hour or more waiting lines
5. You still think those American sweet shops taking over Oxford Street are just sweet shops
6. You still go to Oxford Street for shopping – or for anything
7. You still get the tube from Leicester Square to Covent Garden even though they’re insanely close to one another
8. You aren’t yet accustomed to the rats that take over tube platforms at night
9. You still stand on the left hand side of the escalator
10. You smile
11. You look people in the eye on public transport
12. You go to M&M World
13. You don’t get annoyed when you’ve missed the tube and have to wait a whole three minutes for the next one (pain)
14. You aren’t yet accustomed to the hell that is the morning and evening rush hour where you’re packed on a tube carriage like sweating heaving sardines wedged between dripping armpits
15. You speak to strangers – hi, hello, how are you?, or any other form of chitchat to strangers is strictly forbidden and will garner you suspicious and annoyed looks
16. When pronouncing Southwark you say ‘South Walk’ instead of ‘Suth-ick’
17. When pronouncing Marylebone you say ‘Mary-le-bone’ instead of ‘Mar-li-bone’ or ‘Mar-li-bun’
18. When pronouncing Holborn you say ‘Hol-borne’ instead of ‘Ho-bun’
19. When pronouncing Dulwich you say ‘Dull-witch’ instead of ‘Dul-itch’
20. When pronouncing Leicester Square you say ‘Ly-cester Square’ instead of ‘Lester Square’
21. You haven’t mastered the art of Oyster card or contactless readiness
22. You constantly walk or stand in the bike lanes and earn some seething looks or exclaims from cyclists
23. You haven’t memorised the See It, Say It, Sorted announcement from TFL
24. You haven’t faced the existential and financial crisis that renting in London will inevitably give you
25. You still walk through Leicester Square instead of finding any way possible to avoid it
26. You randomly stop right in the middle of the pavement
27. You are yet to master expertly avoiding the people with clipboards that gather outside tube stations and will simply not leave you alone
28. You are yet to be inflicted with the chronic complaining that all Londoners are eventually infected with
29. You push yourself straight onto the tube without allowing people to get off first
30. You still carry cash even though pretty much everywhere is cashless