When I was younger, eating contests were one of the best ways to keep me and my siblings entertained at family gatherings. One of my best/worst memories is when me and my brother decided to have an eclair eating contest. At a funeral. Yup. He won by the way (11) but my point is that no one can resist a good foodie challenge. And London seems to wap these out pretty frequently because (funnily enough) this city breeds competition like no other. If you feel brave try your hand at any of these cardiac workouts. You may pass out, you may cry, you may be in the loo for the next 7 hours. Either way you’ll never look at food the same way.
1. Ultimate Fry Ups at The Wonder Café, Hillingdon.
What is it? 4 fried slices, 4 slices of toast, 4 eggs, 6 sausages, 6 rashers of bacon, 6 hash browns, 4 black pudding, plum tomatoes, beans and mushrooms *exhales*
Why should I try it? If you eat the whole thing in 45 mins you get your meal free.
Any tips? We’d suggest creating lots of mini sandwiches since the bread is where you’re going to struggle.
2. Chilling Chilli Challenge at Meat Liquor, Marylebone.
Why should I try it? Free meal and wall of fame.
Any tips? Ask the kitchen for your own bottle of milk. You’ll need it.
3. The Infamous Beast Burger Challenge at Clapham North.
What is it? A ‘beast’ of a burger; beef patty, chicken fillet, pulled pork and melted cheese. About the size and weight of a cricket ball. Oh and you have to eat the equivalent weight in chips too.
Why should I try it? If you eat it in 12 minutes you get a free drink + the meal and a wall of fame photo.
Any tips? This one appears easier than it is so all we’ll say is, don’t get cocky.
4. Naga Viper Chilli Challenge at the Red Dog Saloon, Hoxton Square.
Why should I try it? If you like torturing yourself in the most agonising ways possible, do it. If you don’t, then DON’T.
Any tips? Oh lord. Try not to cry too much. Because you will.
*This challenge has been attempted by a Secret London employee. Whilst he lived to tell the tale, he hastened to inform us that it was “the worst thing he’s ever done” and that he “wanted to die a thousand deaths”.
5. Banana Split Bonanza at Man vs. Food, Islington.
What is it? Three pounds(!!) of vanilla ice cream covered with bananas, cherries, fresh whipped cream and sprinkles.
Why should I try it? Free food, t-shirt and Wall of Fame picture.
Any tips? Pudding shaped holes in the stomach are definitely bigger right? Just approach this with optimism and gusto. Watch out though; dairy in quantities of this size will leave you in a very poor way.
6. Terry Tucker Lasagna Challenge at Pride Of Paddington, Paddington.
What is it? Big tray of lasagna and garlic bread.
Why should I try it? If you eat in 20 minutes you get it free. You also get heartburn free too.
Any tips? This one will leave you in the ultimate carb coma so bring a small blanket to kip with on the train home.
7. The Steaks are High at Spur’s Steak and Grill, Wandsworth.
What is it? A 68oz steak and 2 sides of your choice (perhaps aspirin and a defibrillator).
Why should I try it? If you haven’t passed out after 30 minutes you get it free and a wall of fame mention.
Any tips? Da meat sweats are real with this one and you should wear short sleeves and cotton fabrics to compensate.
8. Two Foot Sausage Roll Challenge at The Country Arms, Wandsworth.
What is it? Exactly what it sounds like; 2 fts worth of sausage meat and flaky pastry.
Why should I try it? Because this ain’t no greasy Greggs.
Any tips? Prepare to wash it down with gallons of beer. Pastry is the worst for sponging up saliva.
9. Bacon Loaf with The London Eating Challenge at LOAF, Tottenham Court Road.
What is it? The ultimate bacon sarnie, using a huge loaf of bread and 3 packs of bacon.
Why should I try it? You get it free if you finish it in 20 minutes and you also win a free LOAF toasty every month for a whole year.
Any tips? This is the perfect bank holiday hangover cure. If you’re The Rock.
We’re sorry in advance to any high-cholesterol sufferers, we feel bad rubbing this in. Then again why not take one of your more cholesterolly(?) blessed pals and revel in their sweaty discomfort.