It’s here. IT’S HERE. Have you been waiting for this? Did you specifically buy a teeny tiny calendar to sit on your desk so you could rip the days off in a dramatic fashion as you counted them down? We need this London. Once we hit September everything will slowly start to decline until Christmas, in a wave of pumpkin-spiced lattes, green creme eggs and that mulchy substance that appears at the wayside after Carnival and never really leaves. Enjoy yourselves Londoners, these may be the last smiles to grace your lips…
1. The Ke$ha moment.
You’ve woken up in the morning indeed feeling like P-Diddy. The brushing of your teeth with a bottle of jack is merely a suggestion of course (on pain of extortionate dentist bills we’d advise against this) but seriously nothing beats that Saturday/Sunday/Monday morning rise where you roll over and realise I don’t have to be anywhere today.
2. You’ll probably try and cook that incredibly elaborate brunch you’ve always wanted to try.
If you don’t normally cook, why do you suddenly believe that the gods of the Bank Holiday weekend have blessed you with mad Michelin star skillz? I mean by all means have a bash if you’re one of those I-can-do-anything-I-put-my-mind-to types, but know that Bills will still be open and their chefs won’t burn the hollandaise sauce.
3. You will attempt to exercise…
4. …and promptly give up citing the well-worn phrase “Oh it’s fine, it’s a Bank Holiday!”
This phrase will be used multiple times over the course of the weekend. Just be careful that you don’t approach a police officer with this level of confidence.
5. Drinking might start at a time you never thought you’d see past uni.
But you’ll smugly tell yourself that you can handle it, you used to be on the hockey team helloooo?
6. All at once, everyone starts to suggest plans for nights out.
Thus the bitter debate of who’s-more-fun begins. You reduce your friends to nicknames to help guide your decision. Smokes-A-Lot. Cries-Too-Much. Always-Finds-Cute-Animals.
7. All that afternoon drinking starts to catch up on you.
But you power on because “Itshz Bank Holiday!!” *hic*
8. You accidentally glance at your bank balance at the ATM.
However you’re so drunk nothing matters anymore.
9. You may see things that normal you would be shocked at.
“Oh it’s fine, it’s a Bank Holiday!”
10. You may do things that normal you would be shocked at.
“Oh it’s fine, it’s a Bank Holiday!”
11. Somewhere around Sunday the fear for work comes creeping back…
12. …but then you remember Monday.
13. You decide to have a barbecue as a final hurrah.
But you forget about the food because you spend so much time making (read:drinking) the Pimms.
14. Monday is spent mostly horizontal.
With the occasion shuffle to the kitchen for toast.
15. But come Monday night, all you’ll be feeling is this.
How has it flown by so quickly?
Why is the world punishing me?
WHERE IS MY OYSTER CARD??
We’ve also heard some extremely unfortunate souls have to work over this weekend. To whomever has to suffer this terrible fate, we salute you.
