The London Underground is not an enchanting place. It’s squished, smelly and sweaty even when it’s -4° outside and with an atmosphere THAT sour we believe that Dementors might be hanging outside the windows sucking all the joy away. In the summer with the temperature as high as 26° (tropical am I right?) the painful heat and distress of the tube is comparable to being under the Cruciatus Curse. Okay we’ll stop with the ~magical~ references now but seriously – summer time on the tube lines is no trip on the Hogwarts Express! (Couldn’t resist ok).
1. It’s hot.
This goes without saying although it must still be said as it is the single most distressing thing about taking the tube in summer. It’s really fucking hot.
2. You stand near the doors to try and feel some of that sweet, sweet ventilation…
…But then strangers get all up in your personal space to feel that delicious gust of stale air.
3. When you finally get out from underground…
It’s just as hot.
4. You swear there are more people about…
With the nicer weather everyone and their mums trek into the city to experience the great British summertime.
5. Which also means more tourists.
Which means less space on the tube and more aggression trying to get a seat.
6. Everyone smells.
Really bad. BO is in the air. Probably on you too, sucks to suck.
7. You’ll get really really thirsty.
And the posters telling you to bring water will mock you on the days you’ve forgotten.
8. You’ll never stay looking good.
The humidity will get to your hair and the sweat will wipe off your make up.
9. Your body parts will stick to the person’s next to you.
And you’ll have to awkwardly peel yourself off of them.
10. The steps become a lot less appealing.
Which means the escalators are suddenly impossible to manoeuvre.
11. It’s England, so you probably started out your day in coat and hat fully expecting the usual tundra.
But the second the sun comes out and you enter that 12 carriage sauna you instantly regret your wardrobe choices.
12. And you have to make the painful decision whether to strip off your outer layers and hit people in the face while doing so…
… orrr sit there an roast like a sweaty little tomato.
13. Walking becomes more appealing.
You’ll probably get just as sweating on the tube and at least you’re burning calories this way.
14. Tourists become more annoying.
And you’re general tolerance for poor tube etiquette goes out the window.
15. When someone closes the window because it’s too windy.
And they become public enemy number 1.
16. All you can talk about is how shit your sweltering commute was.
Too hot. Too spicy.
17. Using your sweaty face to hide the tears you shed from sheer heat related misery.
It’s ruined your day.
18. Walking down the steps at Oxford Circus station feels just like walking to the noose.
With the Pirates of the Caribbean music playing in your head.
19. You have to look at other peoples bare flip-flop encrusted feet.
And deal with the odour that comes with it.
2o. You’re scared to touch your friends with the amount of sweat you’re concealing under your clothes.
No one wants to be known as Stinky Pete.
21. The depressing moment the tube temperature is higher than the temperature on your beach holiday.
Makes sense when you’re monthly travelcard cost about the same amount.
22. Having to take more care journey planning to accommodate as few changes as possible.
All that extra walking and time melting on platforms is just disgusting.
23. When some twat sits too close to you and you can feel their heat emanating into your very soul.
Thankfully not through the scar in your head.