We’ve finally got some prolonged sunshine and HEAT here in London. It’s a shame that this energy wasn’t present in July when it rained and rained and rained and rained, but it’s nice all the same in the supposedly more autumnal September setting. Today (September 4) is set to hit 28°C, and it’s already pretty sweltering, and Wednesday could reach a whopping 32°C. We shouldn’t complain, but we are bloody complaining because it’s going to be unbearable at times. Here are some handy tips to help you survive this ungodly late-summer heatwave.
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1. Whinge to your friends, family and colleagues about how hot it is, often. This will most definitely help to cool you down.
It’s the most tried and tested of methods – always effective and never running the danger of sounding really, really annoying. Try it!
2. Flock to the nearest beer garden…
They will have drinks. And they will have ice.
3. …or any remotely green space. (Here’s our comprehensive list of London parks for you to explore.)
Work from park (WFP) is really starting to take off.
4. Fill your social calendar with a metric f*cktonne of BBQs and picnics.
Get the last ones in before the summer ends.
5. Drink Pimm’s by the gallon.
You know what drink with ice you will be ordering at those beer gardens now, don’t you?
6. Don’t be fooled. Just because we’re in England, doesn’t mean the sun won’t fry you.
Be sure to not leave the house unless you are positively glowing (with that sheen of Factor 50).
7. Wear a watch or a bracelet for the sole purpose of monitoring your tan.
Your phone might tell you the time but it will not tell you your tan.
8. Remember to add the temperature to all of your Instagram stories.
Just in case anybody hadn’t noticed the heatwave just yet.
9. Take the cool, breezy Overground/Circle/District lines and maybe steer clear of the Central Line in this heat. Thank us later.
Let the endurance test for commuters begin.
10. Talk about how you really need to buy a fan, but never actually buy a fan.
Always think it’s going to be a ‘good house investment’ in June, don’t you? Well, now it’s September and you are fanless for another year, and a heatwave has arrived. WELL DONE YOU.
11. Avoid grey t-shirts.
Obviously.
12. Take at least three cold showers a day.
The cold doesn’t bother me anyway.
13. Head to a rooftop and bask in the sunshine.
Peak rooftop SZN is still alive and well.
14. Take advantage of that sweet office air con. Even a journey on the Central Line will be worth it.
Counteract the sweltering heat of the red line with your breezy office air, and your colleagues all ready to say original things like “it finally feels like summer” and “the Tube was a nightmare today”.
15. Start your Zoom calls each day with a harrowing story of how you couldn’t sleep at all last night because it was just too. damn. hot.
Pass me an iced coffee.
16. Dream about all the times you were cold.
‘Twas only but a dream.
17. Vow to never complain about the cold weather ever ever ever again.
And then proceed to cry when we don’t enjoy a speck of heat between October and May.
Also published on Medium.