It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there and it takes a tough cookie to really nail this London lark.
But don’t worry, we’ve got ya. Here are eight things you’re gonna need to learn…
1. You’ll discover your feisty side and it might not be pretty.
You’ll always be in a hurry, but other people won’t necessarily share this sense of urgency. You’ll have to push and you’ll have to shove, and there’ll be plenty of opportunities to master your eye roll.
2. You will be skint. Always.
We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again, London is extortionate. You might not ever be financially prepared for it—seriously, you’ll never be good enough at saving your money—but after a while, you will adjust to it. And by this we mean you’ll freak out every single month and say “but I don’t understand, I didn’t even go out much this month” whilst simultaneously thinking “ah f*ck, there was that Uber ride… and that pizza delivery… and that big, drunken round of tequilas…”.
3. Your rent will eat up about 80% of your salary.
And that’s just something you’re going to have to get used to, we’re afraid.
4. 94% of your time will be spent travelling…
The “everywhere takes half an hour to get to” rule is bollocks. Never live by it. Trains will be delayed, red signals will be stopped at and people will walk realllllly slowly in front of you. Always take these things into account and add a good few minutes to your journey time.
5. …and the time you spend waiting for the tube will feel like the slowest moments of your life.
You might be used to trains only appearing every half an hour, but you’ll soon adjust to the impatient ways of London life. 3 minutes will feel like a lifetime. Download some mindless phone game, because you could be here a while…
6. We’re not saying you’ll become an alcoholic, but chances are you’ll get pretty close.
There are no rules for drinking in this city. Pretty much anything goes. Including your dignity.
7. Although your life is really f*cking cool because you live in London, try not to show off about it too much. Apparently outsiders don’t like it very much.
Don’t worry though, other Londoners are totally on your page. They think you’re just as cool as they are.
8. And finally, even when shit hits the fan, it’s important to stay positive.
London is a bloody great place to be when things go tits up. Heartbroken? London’ll fix that. Lost your job? London’ll fix that. No idea what the hell you’re doing with your life? London’ll fix that. And with the 2020 we’re having, I reckon this is the most valuable life lesson London can teach you.
Also published on Medium.