East Londoner Goes To Get Sweater From Room, Finds Four Kittens

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Found Cat Twitter London

Suddenly: KITTIES!

The dream was very, very real for east London film director Paris Zarcilla last Wednesday.

For Zarcilla, it was very quickly Too Much, as he narrated in a series of increasingly hysterical tweets.

‘Trying to adjust to the catshit crazy reality of going upstairs to grab a jumper but instead finding a cat and 4 kittens. Am I dad now?’

‘Paternal instincts kicking in. Overwhelmed with feels. Don’t know how to deal.’

‘Cancelling all my plans. Crawling under the bed to spend the rest of the day with my four new children. #newdad’

‘I am living for these babies. Any work commitments I have are now temporarily on hold. Sorry I’m a dad now.’

‘I legitimately suffer from anxiety attacks and depression and my capacity to deal with it recently has been waning,’ said Zarcilla. ‘The Cat Gods have smiled upon me with benevolence and turned the monsters under my bed into kittens.’

As to the origins of Cat Mama and her new brood? Paris explains that ‘I actually don’t know. I suspect it’s a neighbour’s. I leave my back door open a lot. Slept in my living room last night. Went upstairs to grab a jumper. Boom. Kittens. I am genuinely baffled.’

Now the director is wrestling with his moral compass as he attempts to reunite Cat Mama with her owners. ‘Cat Protection have been called and advise: She shouldn’t be separated from her kittens for at least another 6 weeks. So we can’t take her to be scanned yet. Kittens can’t be spayed/neutered for 4 months. Cats CANNOT BE spayed or neutered without owners consent or it’s deemed criminal damage! Have called out to local vets/animal charity to see who can come over to scan her. Unfortunately no one in the area has a portable scanner… soooo… Beginning to experience the dread and emotional turmoil of the idea that I might have to give up the fluff blessings at some point. This may be someone’s cat and I don’t want to take away this joy from anybody. But my dad instincts have kicked in so hard. Fuck. I want this.’

Kittens
Photo: @ParisZarcilla

So far Zarcilla has refrained from naming the kittens, not wanting to become too attached in case he has to give them up. In the interim, he has provided a vital rundown of the little fluffballs, likening each one to a Game of Thrones character.

‘I’ve been meditating on this wonderful but bizarre situation and I’ve arrived at a place where I’m ready to accept whatever the outcome is,’ says Paris. ‘I can only love and care for them now in this moment. I will give them everything they need until they need me no more. All will be good.’

The only fluffy thing I’ve ever found in my room is an abandoned cup of tea that had generated a lid of green fur, so I’m pretty jealous.

Follow Paris on Twitter for updates on the kittens and their tiny, tiny little paws.

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Guy Parsons

Guy Parsons

Guy is the editor-in-chief of Secret London. He likes running, cover versions and scotch.