The 32 Inevitable Stages Of A Bank Holiday Weekend

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Bank holiday weekends are always a cracker, and many of us are guilty of partying just a little bit too hard.

With a ton of events going on around London, the Tuesday after a long weekend is never an easy feat. But just know that, when you’re lying in your bed on Monday night, mulling over the events of the weekend and fighting off your monumental hangover – you are not alone. The entire city is with you. We will conquer Tuesday morning with solidarity… and a very large cup of coffee.

1. You head straight to the pub after work on Thursday afternoon and start drinking. Of course you’d do this at the end of any ordinary week, but your mood is astonishingly heightened by the thought of the extra days off…

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2. After four or five pints you realise that you may have gone a bit too hard considering there are four more days to go…

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3. But you continue on the premise that you’ll treat yourself to a colossal lie in in the morning.

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4. You wake up at 1pm on Friday and feel ever-so-slightly guilty about the colossal lie in, but also feel absolutely no guilt at all.

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5. You consider exercising. Or rather, you think about the fact that you maybe should be exercising.

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6. But you don’t – purely on account of it being the bank holiday weekend. And you’re on holiday.

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7. The day drinking commences.

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8. You accidentally check your bank balance and have a quiet sob to yourself as you realise you’re not even halfway through the weekend.

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9. Saturday will be a repeat of Friday. The day drinking will start to take it’s toll and you’ll peak too early.

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10. Sunday will welcome yet another “well deserved” lie in. But it’s ok, your body needed it.

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11. The thought of work will creep into your mind, which prompts all-encompassing feelings of pure dread.

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12. But then you remember that it’s a four day weekend and those feelings will immediately be replaced with… beer.

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13. You and your mates head to the nearest beer garden.

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14. But then remember that it’s not even April and, actually, it’s pretty chilly…

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15. Sundays are always fun days, but when Monday is off, things can get pretty messy.

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16. You check your bank balance again, but this time you have a full on cry about it.

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17. But that doesn’t stop you from buying another round. It is a bank holiday after all.

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18. Monday arrives and you wake up at 6.30am to the blaring sound of your alarm, which you set through force of habit.

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19. You have a little grumble to yourself as you start psyching yourself up to get out of bed and jump in the shower.

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20. A couple of minutes go by before you have the blissful realisation that you don’t actually have to be anywhere.

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21. So you go back to sleep.

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22. For 6 more hours.

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23. You wake up feeling absolutely starving and start scrolling through Deliveroo, trying to decide between Nando’s and pizza.

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24. But then you remember how much money you spent over the weekend so you reluctantly crawl to the kitchen to see what you have in.

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25. You then sit in bed with your measly slice of bread and butter, dreaming about fried chicken and feeling very sorry for yourself.

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26. You put on an episode of Friends.

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27. And another.

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28. And another.

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29. You’ll then start to hate yourself for using the bank holiday as an excuse for spending all of your money.

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30. So you start making a list of all of the things you could sell on eBay.

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31. Suddenly it’s 10pm and you feel absolutely exhausted because you’ve had a really tough day doing absolutely nothing at all.

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32. So you decide to go to sleep while compiling a mental list of credible excuses for not going into work tomorrow.

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Feature Image: Dorli Photography

Georgie Hoole

Georgie Hoole

Georgie is Deputy Editor at Secret London. She loves a trendy café and is all too familiar with the extortionate price of a coffee in the capital. She enjoys the finer things in life (like red wine on a school night and eating Ben and Jerry's straight from the tub) and hasn't quite grasped the concept of adulthood yet.