The A To Z Of Confessions Londoners Don’t Ever Want To Admit

We may be a lovely and varied bunch, but there are some things all Londoners can relate to…

 

A: I’d question my friendship with anyone who ate at an Angus Steakhouse

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B: I forgot to vote Brexit…

C: I rely on City Mapper more often than I like to admit.

D: I actually can’t stand dogs on the tube.

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E: I can’t pass Elephant and Castle without visualising an actual elephant in a castle.

F: The day I saw a Freakshake, I took a picture implying I ate it. I didn’t.

G: I’ll moan about the gentrification of London… with a Pret coffee in hand.

H: I still have the plastic bag from Harrods from the one time I bought a jar of sweets. 2 years ago.

I: I pretend to hate Infernos, its sticky carpeted floor and cheesy music. But I can’t wait for my next night there.

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J: Since joining the gym I’ve only been once. It’s been 3 months. And that’s £150 gone.

K: I frequently ogle and price up flats in Knightsbridge, just to make myself cry.

L: The temptation to fuck the system and stand on the left is sometimes extremely strong.

M: I quite like the smell that breezes outside of M&M world.

N: I’m still yet to use the Night Tube.

O: The shopping on Oxford Street is actually pretty damn good.

P: I don’t understand or partake in London postcode patriotism.

Q: Anything advertised as ‘quintessentially British’ sends shivers down my spine.

R: I’m waiting for a member of the royal family to get naked in public… again. But this time outside of Buckingham Palace. And when I say member, I mean Harry. Harry’s member.

S: I’ll never ever ooze enough effortless cool to feel totally comfortable in Shoreditch. Even in my Yeezys.

T: I’d actually love to spend a day being a tourist in London.

U: I over-share with my Uber drivers on a frequent basis.

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V: I say I’m a vegan… but I’m not on Fridays

W: Leave the slow walkers be! Unless they’re in my way, that is…

X: “I’m staying in tonight. 100%”. 3 hours later I’m fucked in XOYO.

Y: Yesterday was the day my Oyster card ran out, but I’ll go straight to the barriers just in case there’s money on it… there isn’t.

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Z: I don’t know where Zone 4 begins, because I’ve never been there.

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