Warning: Phone Screens Are Unexpectedly Cracking In London

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Southwark Council have put out a warning for Londoners to refrain from using their phones on the streets while walking, particularly near the Shard. A rising number of people in the area have recently experienced the misfortune of a cracked smartphone screen, but not due to clumsiness. The cause is something we least expected.

shard pigeon
[Flick River]
It’s been suggested that pigeons perched at the top of the 73 stories-high Shard are dropping poo on innocent texters and selfie-takers below. Although small in size, the height of the building increases the velocity of the bird droppings to such an extent that, should they collide with a phone screen, it is likely they would crack.

Abu Townsend, one of the victims of the bird-poops, told us that due to the unexpected nature of the damage, she’s struggling to claim cover through her insurance.

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[They’re strong little shits.]
After the destruction the pigeons’ bowels have been doing to the phones, we’re just glad that no one’s been hurt. (Can you imagine the bruise the poo would leave on your head, let alone the mess?) The council have said they will try various attempts to ‘shoo’ the pigeons away from the top of the Shard over the coming month. Meanwhile, it’s been advised that those within close proximity of the ‘target area’ should keep phones safely in their bags or, if they are desperate to flick through Instagram, hold the phone at a vertical angle in order to protect the screen.

Pooping-on-people

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