50 Struggles Of An Unpaid Intern In London

In Robert De Niros latest movie he plays a 70 year old intern to his 30-something boss, Anne Hathaway. It’s not really that much of a stretch to imagine pensioners will soon be amongst our competition and this is just one of the many fears for an intern after ‘Life After Graduation’. Granted some of our list is applicable to internships in general but there’s something about a London internship that magnifies all the best/worst aspects of the job.

Have a read kids. This is harrowing stuff.

 

  1. Money is something you will ultimately never have.
  2. Even if (miraculously) you get paid.
  3. Even if (even more miraculously) you get paid well.
  4. Even if (God knows who this happens to) you get your expenses, lunch and weekly salary covered.
  5. You’re poor. Accept this. 

    This. Scene.

  6. The other interns are not your friends.
  7. They might seem to be, but they ARE your competition.
  8. So don’t let anything dodgy slip at Happy Hour.
  9. It will come back to bite you on the arse.
  10. Your superiors either shelter or shit on you.
  11. Or both.
  12. Your working hours become something of a blur.
  13. 9-5? More like eyes-open-and-keep-them-that-way. 

    Only 40? *laughs maniacally*

  14. You’ll have to jump around to keep the lights on sometimes.
  15. If you’re at a small company you’ll be the tea bitch.
  16. If you’re at a big company you’ll be the tea bitch.
  17. Also get used to some weird looking tea bags. 

    Know your poison.

  18. It’s the year of being “zen” don’t you know?
  19. Patronised is your go-to adjective for yourself.
  20. Nepotism is not a bad thing. It’s a dog-eat-dog world.
  21. Speaking of dogs; you may have to walk/bathe/clean up after one.

    Technically your boss.

  22. You will milk your contacts for as much as you need.
  23. And then you will rinse your friends for further leads.
  24. Be prepared to drop any and everything for “a talk”.
  25. Especially if it’s with the boss.
  26. And especially if he/she’s in a good mood.
  27. You have to be non-expendable in some way.
  28. Even if that means you learn coding in your spare time.
  29. I’m serious, it’s worth it. 

    Or crawl into a hole and sob. Your choice.

  30. If you don’t know Macs, then stop, drop and LEARN.
  31. If you don’t know Photoshop then stop, drop and LEARN.
  32. Just stop, drop and LEARN EVERYTHING.
  33. You’ll probably be called ‘newbie’, ‘sport’ or worse ‘you’.
  34. Anything but your name. 
  35. You have two moods.
  36. “Fuck, I’m Lucky.”
  37. “Am I Lucky? Fuck.”
  38. Occasionally you may see The Golden Opportunity Internship.
  39. You’ll leave your last post for it.
  40. And consequently love it.
  41. OR HATE IT WITH EVERY FIBRE OF YOUR BEING. 

    An Icon.

  42. Fashion Internships= Hunger + Hell.
  43. Law Internships= Paperwork + Pain.
  44. Finance Internships= Suits + Sadness.
  45. Every kind of Internship= the biggest mental marathon of your life.
  46. Yes, more than Inception. 
  47. You may cry at the end of the day.
  48. You may smile.
  49. Either way you’ll head to the pub.
  50. And soldier on.
Keep your head (and preferably your trousers).

 

We know you feel the pain, but in the words of James Bay/Frozen: Let It Go.

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