This Is What The Cost Of A London Home Could Buy You Up North

Without wanting to sound like a broken record, house prices in London are absoLUTELY *!&$^*! @*!£  *&^£?£% “*£$@*%…sorry, please excuse us. That was terribly rude. But it’s true; they are an absolute joke. And to make things worse, over at Secret London we lack the will power not to look and see what our hard earned money could get us elsewhere. And so we just had to show you too because we’re nice like that, and we want you to feel bad about your living situation as well. (That is, if you’re in a position to buy at all – which seems somewhat fanciful (delusional) right now considering these ridiculous findings…)

 

1. For £100,000

London: Mitcham (£150,000)

FotorCreated
[Zoopla]
Bedrooms: 1

Property Type: Flat

  • Advertised as having doors. Aways a good start.
  • Kitchen decorated in the style of pancake-day-gone-wrong.
  • The weather seems nice.

 

The North: Northumberland (£147, 500)

FotorCreated
[Zoopla]
Bedrooms: 3

Property Type: Terraced House

  • Immaculately presented, with generous room proportions.
  • Dainty front and back yards.
  • Wood burning stove. Which is super fun.

 

2. For £200,000

London: East Ham (£250,000)

FotorCreated
[Zoopla]
Bedrooms: 3

Property Type: Maisonette

  • Situated conveniently on a main road. Need milk? No problem.
  • Make friends with Martin and you’ll never be short of tyres.
  • Furniture includes a poo-brown throw and cushion on the floor.

 

The North: Middlesborough (£209, 950)

FotorCreated
[Zoopla]
Bedrooms: 4

Property Type: Detached House

  • French doors and bay windows.
  • It’s huge and beautifully decorated.
  • Less possibility of making friends with Martin.

 

3. £300,000

London: Kingston Upon Thames, (£315,000)

FotorCreated
[Zoopla]
Bedrooms: 1

Property Type: Flat

  • Has an allocated parking space.
  • Free stickers on the kitchen appliances.
  • Comes with a garden shed. Guest room, perhaps?

 

The North: Dalry, Scotland, (£330,000)

FotorCreated
[Zoopla]
Bedrooms: 5

Property Type: Detached House

  • Mature private gardens (note the plural).
  • A 4 car garage.
  • No kitchen stickers.

 

4. £400,000

London: Chicksand St, E1, (£430,000)

FotorCreated
[Zoopla]
Bedrooms: 2

Property Type: Flat

  •  In E1.
  • Has walls.
  • And a roof.

 

The North: “Leithen” at Glendrissaig Drive, (£403,000)

FotorCreated
[Zoopla]
Bedrooms: 5

Property Type: Detatched House

  • Magazine-esque.
  • Doesn’t come with car, but one would look good.
  • We can see our 7 kids and husband running over the front lawn already.

 

5. £500,000

London: Crystal Palace, (£500,000)

FotorCreated
[Zoopla]
Bedrooms: 3

Property Type: Terraced House

  •  Decent-sized townhouse set over three floors…
  • ‘Neutrally’ decorated.
  • Basically a miniature 1960s comprehensive school.

 

The North: Dalkeith, Scotland, (£530,000)

FotorCreated
[Zoopla]
Bedrooms: 5

Property Type: Bespoke Detached House

  • Traditional and modern meets one.
  • Has a woodland backdrop.
  • Sort of like a beautiful, grown up tree house.

 

6. £750,000

London: Betterton Street, (£750,000)

FotorCreated
[Zoopla]
Bedrooms: 1

Property Type: Flat

  • Second floor…with a lift. In case you’re lazy.
  • If you are lazy, you can brush your teeth and shower at the same time.
  • There is a nice lamp in the corner.

 

The North: Dunmore, (£750,000)

FotorCreated
[Zoopla]
Bedrooms: 5

Property Type: Detached family home

  • Swimming pool, sauna, hot tub (outside) and solarium.
  • Situated in 1.6 acres of grounds.
  • A golf course in the garden.

 

7. £1,000,000 

London: Ealing, (£1,000,000)

FotorCreated
[Zoopla]
Bedrooms: 3

Property Type: Terraced House

  • The price also includes the takeaway business downstairs.
  • Free carrier bag, but you’d have to get it off the curtain rail first.
  • Near Ealing tube station. Which is no help to anyone.

 

The North: Scottish Borders, (£1,100,000)

FotorCreated
[Zoopla]
Bedrooms: 16

Property Type: Detached House

  • Dates from about 1668.
  • 1.63 acres of land, including a croquet lawn.
  • Piano’s own room.

 

Yep, *move* our thoughts exactly.

Featured Image: Zoopla

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