Things You’ll Know If You’re A Londoner Who’s Sh*t At Saving Money

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Things You’ll Know If You’re A Londoner Who’s Sh*t At Saving Money

London is expensive, that’s no news to anybody.

40% of your wage goes on rent, 30% goes to TfL and the other 30% is spent eating out and getting drunk. So the chances of actually saving any money? Absolutely zilch. (That’s not strictly true, the trick’s in #9 ?). Here’s a few things that you’ll definitely relate to if you’re broke as hell and can’t seem to save a penny:net


Thinking even a few weeks into the future is hard when you’re surrounded by so much temptation.


When you’re living in London, saving money seems like an impossible feat. Why save for later when you could have this pizza right freaking now?


You live like a baller because London makes you feel rich (even when you’re broke as f*ck).


“Wanna go out for dinner?” Yes. “Wanna go to this super expensive new pop-up?” Why, of course. “Wanna go to Ibiza?” Hell yeah. “Wanna stay in and watch Netflix?” Well, duh! But only if we can order a takeaway. It’s not until your card gets declined that you start realising these things probably weren’t the best idea.


You’re quite literally eating into your overdraft.


You may only have £10 in your account but you don’t let that stop you from spending a gazillion pounds on lunch every day. You have an overdraft, so *technically* you have £1010 to spend, right?


On a bad month, your overdraft limit = your spending limit.


When you get paid your balance briefly jumps into positive figures, but it only lasts a few days. You’ll have slipped right back into your overdraft in no time. It’s okay though, you’ve just about come to terms with it. That’s just how life is now. You’ve accepted that none of your money is actually really yours and you’re going to have to somehow (*has a mini panic*) pay it off one day.


You can literally justify any expense as a valid use of your savings.


You tried a savings account once, but then you needed to dip into it to buy your morning coffee. It didn’t last long.


“I get taxed HOW MUCH?!?!?!?!”


Before getting a real life adult job you barely even knew what taxes were, but when you saw your first real life adult payslip you almost had a heart attack. Even now, however many years in, you can’t quite get your head around what. the. f*ck. is. going. on. You now know that you have to pay tax, but it just doesn’t feel like you can afford it right now.


You’re just on a totally different path to your non-London friends who own houses and have babies.


You can’t even afford to take care of yourself. You still struggle to pay your rent each month, let alone put any food on the table. How are people settling down and dedicating part of their well-earned income to another human being?! And a mortgage?! You barely even know what one of those is.


If you don’t know your bank balance, you can’t be poor.


Ignorance is bliss. If you don’t check your balance, you can at least pretend to live in a fantasy world where you can actually afford luxuries like gym memberships and Pret sandwiches.


Like a true millennial, you need your phone to help you out.


There’s quite literally an app for everything these days: apps to track how well you’re sleeping, apps to get you off your arse and running a marathon in 6 months, hell, there’s even an app that reminds you where you parked your car… in a pirate voice. But what’s really needed is an app that will help you put aside some extra cash with precisely zero effort.

Aha! Well, you’re in luck. Chip, the magical app that practically tricks you into saving money, will help you afford the things that really matter, and you won’t even know you’re doing it.


Chip will almost certainly change your life. If you thought it was impossible to save, think again. Chip‘s fancy algorithm calculates how much you can realistically afford to save (it’s probably more than you think) and puts it safely away for you automatically. And then, as if by magic, it’s there for you to spend on the things you really want (you know, like flat whites and those all-too-crucial city escapes).


iOS users can download the app here and Android users can download the app here. 




Tags: funny