The Big Smoke, the Swinging City, the Square Mile, or just the City-whatever nickname you want to call it, London is an intense metropolis that is both awe-inspiring, and intimidating. Whether you’re still trying to figure out how to pay for public transport, or used to giving directions to desperate tourists, London has a tendency to keep everyone on their toes.
1. The Tube map looks more complex than the Book of the Dead.
While everyone’s on their way to work, I’ve somehow taken a wrong turn to a jackal-headed god.
2. I’ve learned to have my Oyster card ready or face the scorn of every commuter.
I don’t want to become like Match.Com’s Mark, who’s now the most hated man in London.
3. Frantically pushing the Tube door button was a big giveaway to the fact I’m not from around here.
4. There’s a lot of talent around these parts…and by talent, hot men.
Is that a teddy bear in your hand, or are you happy to see me?
5. But I’ve seen men whose beards could easily house a small family of birds.
6. What makes flat whites so diabolically delicious is still a mystery.
7. Black pudding may sound metal, but it’s downright delicious. If I were in a breakfast band (because those exist), I’d call it Blood Sausage.
8. The amazing diversity of the City highlights it as a hub of multiculturalism.
Yanko Tihov’s gorgeous map of London’s varied nationalities gives me serious FOMO.
9. I’m still in the honeymoon phase of public transport running on time.
However, when I’m running late I have no one to blame but myself.
10. If you’re bored in the Big Smoke, you’re probably a 1,000 year old vampire. There’s always something unique going on. In the words of Samuel Johnson, “[when] a man is tired of London, he is tired of life”[.] Worse comes to worst, there’s always CrossFit.
11. Everyone does CrossFit.
12. I still have to consult the road before crossing it.
13. Without Citymapper I’d never leave my house.
14. While hipsters are in no way new to me, I’ve come to fully, though forcibly, understand the entire scope and breadth of this too-cool-for-school subculture.
Hipsters confused me before it became cool.
15. Having said that, the various degrees of self expression via fashion is both uplifting and…bemusing.
Living in London has taught me that you can’t just channel your creativity, you have to own it.