Hell hath no fury like a Londoner-with-no-holiday-left scorned. Oh, is that not the saying? Well it should be. If you’re a bit fed up of seeing other people’s holiday snaps and smug hashtagging (how original, a beach view with a pina colada) then STOP. London can be just as amazing a place as anywhere else and whilst we can’t guarantee Spanish sun always, WE ACTUALLY CAN ON SATURDAY (29 degrees yas). So follow our London Staycation guide for a weekend worthy of wonder (or at least getting wankered).
1. Wishful for an American Waterpark? Slip n Slide your way to happiness.
Florida may have brought us wacky water rides, alligators and um, Flo Rida but why leave London for all that nonsense? We mentioned that this might be a good thing to do with your friends and to be honest the stars seem to have aligned for this one day only event, occurring on the hotly tipped heatwave Saturday. Embrace the sunshine and strip down to your smalls* for a slippery slope of serious fun.
*we do not condone the wearing of underwear as appropriate slide attire. No one wants to see that.
2. Lusting after the Louvre? Be bowled over by Banksy.
Street artists are the Renaissance painters of our time (said someone probably) so naturally Banksy is our Leonardo. If you can’t get down to Dismaland, his new exhibition at a derelict theme park, then why not check out some of Banksy’s most famous London pieces? Due to the sporadic nature of Banksy’s work it can be hard to know whether one will still be there but this website shows current Banksy locations and this walking tour introduces you to many more popular London street artists such as Sweet Toof and Malarky.
3. Peeved you’re not in Paris? P-p-p-pick up a pancake.
Every time I eat a crepe I am transported to Paris’s cobbled streets and hazy views of la tour Eiffel. Yes even when it’s a dodgy one I made myself that is half on the ceiling after an ill-advised flipping competition. Feel the same? Shutterbug Creperie and Bar is THE place to go when you want to feel those Parisian vibes without the dreaded 4am Eurostar journey. You can have a regular lemon and sugar (£4) but if like us you like to live dangerously try the Shutterbug salted caramel, vanilla ice cream and pretzel crumble.
4. Visualising Venetian gondolas? Practice your punting on the Thames.
At least if you fall in here you’re not risking damaging a disappearing city. Of course Oxford and Cambridge are known as England’s punting paradises but did you know you can go right here in London? East London Boats offer their punts for £18 an hour and include life jackets and paddles if poles really aren’t your thing. Our biggest tip? If the pole gets stuck LET IT GO or risk upturning all your crew members into the awful algae.
5. Hankering after Grand Canyon Heights? Fly the skyline in a private helicopter.
Strictly for the ballerz out there. We don’t usually recommend such pricy outings (from £150 per person) but believe us when we say that this is a once in a lifetime opportunity that’s worth every penny. Who needs miles of brown rock when you could see your very own hometown in all its Adele-esque glory?!?
Who needs an all inclusive week in Benidorm when this bunch is waiting for you?