Yeah yeah the Ministry of Magic is already here and Kings Cross is a big deal and there was that thing with the snake at London Zoo but what if the WHOLE shebang had been set in London town? We’re talking Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes vs. Ripleys Believe It Or Not, the Whomping Willow vs. weed-whacking Kew garden-ers, Quidditch vs….er, actually people play it for real now. Anyway-you get the picture. [See our guide to places to visit in London for Harry Potter fans.]
1. The use of Owls would be swapped for pigeons.
2. Broomsticks would be even more of a relic than Elphias Doge #TubeLifeFTW
3. Snape’s hair would actually fit right in Shoreditch.
4. And he’d probably try a man bun.
5. Dumbledore’s beard would get caught in a lot of Tube doors.
6. Ditto his cloak.
7. The Marauders Map would definitely include free Wifi spots.
8. And free toilets.
9. Harry would face death just as much (angry Uber drivers/rabid foxes/Dalston club nights/being mugged in general).
10. The Hogwarts boats that take them to the castle would be Ubers.
11. And the castle itself? Probably a Knightsbridge basement conversion (with never ending floors).
12. You’d have to stand on the left of the moving staircases.
13. And we’d probably see more black students.
14. James and Lily Potter would have lived in Islington.
15. The Malfoys would definitely live in Chelsea.
16. And the Weasleys would probably live in Harrow.
17. To blend in, a lot of witches and wizards would move to Camden.
18. And someone would probably start a blog about Luna called ‘The Woman With The Radish Earrings’.
19. Harry would practise Quidditch in Richmond Park.
20. Hermione would study at The British Library.
21. And Ron would constantly pig out at Borough Market.
22. Professor Lupin would be on the sighted list for Mythical London Animals.
23. Mad Eye would get laser eye surgery at Harley Street.
24. Professor McGonagall would accidentally be rescued by a cat café.
25. The Order of the Phoenix would take part in all the London protests (and some riots).
26. The Covent Garden street performers really would hover in the air by a finger.
27. Voldemort would be a Tory.
28. The Daily Prophet would be owned by Rupert Murdoch.
29. Professor Trelawney would know all the best Soho tea rooms.
30. The most used spell would probably be Accio Oyster card.
31. And everyone would slip veritaserum to their Tinder dates.
32. Dementors would lurk around the Tower of London.
33. And Bellatrix Lestrange would moonlight as a slimy estate agent.
34. The spectacular floating ceilings would be in Covent Garden.
35. And Harry would probably buy tickets to The Cursed Child.