Donald Trump Not Coming To London After All, Because We Hate Him Too Much

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Donald Trump cancels UK visit

President Trump has called off his visit to the UK because he’s scared of our bums.

That’s the key conclusion after The Guardian reported yesterday his ‘state visit’ to the UK has been postponed indefinitely:

“The US president said he did not want to come if there were large-scale protests…

… and his remarks in effect put the visit on hold for some time.

You say ‘for some time’, I say ‘probably until the invention of the personality transplant.’ Trump has a negative 75% favourability rating in the UK, according to YouGov, which is… low. (Barack Obama had a peachy positive 56%.)

It makes mid-April feel like many moons ago, when Trump didn’t just want to visit, but to ride in the rear of the Queen’s booty-ful Golden Carriage for Big Boys:

“Donald Trump has reportedly issued a very specific demand ahead of his state visit to the UK in October.

He wants a horse and carriage upon arrival – and not just any old one. The POTUS is expecting to get the traditional state welcome of a carriage procession down the Mall alongside Her Majesty.”

Butt now he can’t come to England at all! So what changed, I hear you arse?

Well, just four days ago the glorious ‘Gigantic British Moon at Trump on his State Visit’ Facebook event (27,000 people interested) attracted media attention in the US and Canada.

Show Your Rump To Trump

“Let’s give Trump the only welcome his State visit deserves with a great British tradition. He can wave at our arses and only our arses as he fulfils his dream of riding down The Mall in the golden State carriage. It’s been too long, people. Now is the moment for a collective national moon. Date to be announced!”

Could it be that notorious germophobe Trump, catching wind of the plot, couldn’t get behind the idea of pasty, jiggling British bums blighting his every move? It’s a cracking idea.

Of course, Trump never likes to be seen to back down publicly, claiming, via the BBC:

“The White House and Downing Street have denied US President Donald Trump wants to delay his state visit to the UK…

…US administration officials have, however, told the BBC the president “does not feel like” visiting the UK any time soon.”

‘Doesn’t feel like it.’ Ahaha. Ahahahaha. Ohohoho.

It may take love to drive out hate, and light to beat the darkness, but it turns out arseholes can in fact deter arseholes. Good job everybody!

Londoners loving Trump, the greatest hits:

😡 Someone Painted A Trump Mural Just So They Could Egg It
😡 There Is A Naked Donald Trump Portrait In London
😡 The Reactions To The Donald Trump Waxwork Are Priceless

[Featured photo: Gage Skidmore]

Guy Parsons

Guy Parsons

Guy is the editor-in-chief of Secret London. He likes running, cover versions and scotch.

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