You are but a mere human, while Louis Theroux is something so much more. Thanks to the No Context Louis pages on Twitter and Facebook, we’ve brought all his insight into modern-day romance into one handy guide.
1) Are you feeling sexy and ready to rock, friend?
2) It’s time to ditch that negative self-talk!
3) You can do this! Get yourself correct.
4) That’s better! OK, It’s time for your date. Try not to feel nervous!
5) You can even try and turn those nerves into a positive!
6) Remember one thing.
7) Yes, it’ll start out with painful small talk.
8) Desperately trying to find things you have in common.
9) This can drag on for what feels like ages.
10) But soon enough you’ll start sharing your hopes and dreams.
11) Wild stories from your past.
12) And some intimate secrets.
13) Before you know it, things might be getting flirty.
14) Compliments are exchanged.
15) Hints dropped…
16) And propositions… proposed.
17) Listen, if it doesn’t click, it doesn’t click.
18) Don’t take it personally!
19) Meet rejection with good cheer and equanimity.
20) But if the feeling’s there, the feeling’s there.
21) And you and your new friend are on the same page.
22) Time to find somewhere more private to hang out.
23) First of all there’s that Uber journey home back to their place.
24) With the underlying subtext:
25) But at last, it’s time to get a little affectionate.
26) No harm in taking things slow.
27) It can be intimidating hooking up with someone new.
28) But try not to dwell on it.
29) You’ll probably just be fine.
30) OK, playa – it’s game time!
31) Time to BRING THE MOVES.
32) Wait, not those moves!
33) Important to keep communicating.
34) Especially if things get a little… kinky.
35) Whether you’re up for anything.
36) Or have things you’d prefer to avoid.
37) Respect each other’s boundaries.
38) And pay attention to the feedback you’re getting.
39) Dirty talk is a bit of a gamble. Don’t be shy:
40) Go all in!
41) Time for the big finale.
42) When all is said and done…
43) Maybe have a shower?
45) Hopefully, you did great!
46) Maybe you’re feeling good!
47) Maybe not.
48) But hopefully you can at least say…
49) And if you want to make a swift exit, there’s one move that will never let you down.
More love-life woes: 24 Harsh Truths About Dating In London