Living in London, as we alll know, is an expensive venture. Food is triple the price, as are the drinks, and the renting prices are literally through the roof (ha ha ha). Thus, it is inevitable that at least one point in our lives we will have to have a roomy. ‘WHAT FUN!’ you may think, ‘ACTIVITIES’ the child in you shouts…think again, my friend, think again. Perhaps not ‘London specific’ per se, but the effects of a roommate from hell seem to be magnified whilst living in the big smoke. And often here, roommates from hell are like no other ‘…’ from hell. They are the worst ‘…from hell’ you can find. And they are everywhere. So here are the ones you need to avoid when roomy-ing with someone (friends included!) in London.
1. The food thief.
Steal anything else, JUST NOT MY FOOD! As if London wasn’t expensive enough as it is, but all of a sudden you’re basically providing for a family of 4 because not only does your roomy steal ALL of your food, but also has the appetite equivalent to a baby elephant. Even labels such as ‘HANDS OFF’ or ‘CONTAMINATED WITH HERPES FOR SCIENTIFIC DEVELOPMENT’ won’t stop them, so just don’t go there. Ever.
2. The needy one.
Words such as ‘exhausting’, ‘intense’, ‘draining’ and ‘can’t be on their own’ spring to mind with this one. And if you’ve ever described the potential roomy as one of these…DON’T DO IT. SAVE YOURSELF. Stick to monthly lunches/the cinema (even better…) instead of every, single day.
3. The bad influence.
This one is a tricky one, and sort of depends on where you are in life. Still at uni? Ok, maybe…just for a year. A year that doesn’t really matter that much. But if you’re working and getting dragged out on a Tuesday night where you end up projectile vomiting, snogging a shoe and sleeping in a wheelbarrow outside your back door, definitely give it a miss.
4. The passive aggressive one.
Just, the worst. Expect long silences, dirty looks, monosyllabic answers and occasional notes (your food ones not included…) every time you leave a pan un-washed.
5. The always doing laundry one.
It’s actually a skill. There is always that one person who constantly has dirty washing in the machine. How? HOW? Are they doing it a sock at a time? Hate having anything in the laundry basket? Stay away…you’ll never, ever have clean clothes.
6. The mooch.
I DONT HAVE ANY MONEY EITHER GOD DAMMIT!
7. The story topper.
Sooooo, that time you climbed Mount Kangchenjunga, butt naked whilst high on Fly Agaric Mushrooms as an initiation into the Abenaki tribe just doesn’t even cut it when this one is around. If you’re anything like us and get very upset when a story goes unappreciated, we’d give it a miss. You will feel perpetually inadequate. And probably end up doing more and more ridiculous things to keep up, despite knowing they’re making theirs up anyway.
8. The ex.
As much as you like to think it, you aren’t Nick and Jess and never will be. Someone is just going to get hurt. Never worth the awkwardness of trying to sneakily get your last night’s bit of fun out of the kitchen window while your ex is in the shower. Bleurgh.
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