8 Of London’s Funniest And Punniest Business Names

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London is full of punny, ironic and hilarious people and, lucky for us, they are the same people who decided to open businesses in our city. We’ve handpicked a list of the greatest names in London business history.


1. Planet of the Grapes

[Flickr | Ewan Munro]
Wine and dine at this wonderful restaurant and wine bar, with locations all over London. The menu is full of sharing plates and absolutely-not-for-sharing plates, making it the perfect place for an intimate dinner or larger gatherings.

Various locations.


2. Fishcoteque

[Flickr | Andy Beaumont]
Let’s go! Let’s go! Fishcotheque! We’ve seen some creative fish and chip shops in our time, but this has to be one of our favourites. Fun fact! In the 80’s, a jazz band called the Jazz Butchers made an album called “Fishcotheque” and put the shopfront on its cover.

79A Waterloo Road, SE1 8UD


3. Fuckoffee

[Instagram | @fuckoffee]
Fuckoffee is a less-than-polite little indie coffee shop in Bermondsey with rude mugs and fantastic cuppa joes.

163-167 Bermondsey St, SE1 3UW


4. Look Mum No Hands!

[Facebook | Look Mum No Hands!]
Located in the trend capital of London (that’s Shoreditch, just incase you weren’t sure), Look Mum No Hands! is a café-cum-workshop that serves great coffee and fixes bikes. Feeding London’s bike community with caffeine, calories and beer, LMNH is an unsurprisingly popular haunt.

49 Old Street, EC1V 9HX


5. Discount Suit Company

[Flickr | James Mitchell]
This quirky dive bar beneath a former tailor’s stockroom is not an easy place to find. But when you do, you’ll realise that the near-impossible quest was worth your while. The bar focuses on traditional methods and forgotten classics, and they’ve recently launched their sixth cocktail list!

29 Wentworth Street, E1 7TB


6. The Codfather

[Flickr | Kake]
Simple but effective, this fish and chip shop is like no other. For starters, their food is excellent. But more importantly, they have a fantastic name.

206 London Road, Croydon, CR0 2TE


7. Mayor of Scaredy Cat Town

[Flickr | Ewan Munro]
Head to The Breakfast Club (another great name) on Artillery Lane and ask to see the mayor. This is the password that will lead you through the unassuming Smeg fridge and down into the secret cocktail bar beneath the restaurant. If you want to impress, this place is sure to do the trick.

12-16 Artillery Lane, E1 7LS


8. Sellfridges

[Flickr | diamond geezer]
Unfortunately this place is no longer around, but we couldn’t bare to leave it out. 10/10 for hilarity, for sure.

Georgie Hoole

Georgie Hoole

Georgie is Deputy Editor at Secret London. She loves a trendy café and is all too familiar with the extortionate price of a coffee in the capital. She enjoys the finer things in life (like red wine on a school night and eating Ben and Jerry's straight from the tub) and hasn't quite grasped the concept of adulthood yet.

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