For the past 50 years, Notting Hill Carnival has been bringing bright colours, music, amazing sounds and smells to West London. Being Europe’s biggest street party, it also attracts a beautiful multitude of diverse people. Whether you’re hanging around by the sound systems, trying to squeeze your way into the parade or jumping between jerk chicken stalls, you’re bound to see these guys doing their carnival ting this Bank Hols.
1. The Parade People
Not only do they get to wear the most fabulous sequin and feather numbers, but you know that if you even attempted wearing anything similar, you’d show more resemblance to Big Bird off Sesame Street. The ladies and gents seriously know how to move. And you can no longer prevent your eyes from fixating on their rolling hips. Those hips that have kept rolling and rolling for hours. You, on the other hand, got here an hour ago, have already dropped jerk chicken down yourself, have a twinge in your legs from a little walking and are in desperate need of a wee. Then you think of the long-winded trips to the toilet the feather-clad ladies must make and your respect for them triples.
2. Other Movers and Shakers
These guys aren’t part of the parade, but offer a form of off-course entertainment. They’ll be the guys who suddenly break off into a handstand filled, utterly synchronised (but totally unrehearsed) dance off on an empty corned of the street, which swiftly gathers a swarm of grinders and other (like myself) who know they’re pretty shit but bop along anyway. A few rums down and anyone can dance, right?
3. The Police Hoggers
Everyone knows the police are out and about on top form at carnival – come on, we’ve all seen the dance-off videos. And there are those that love nothing more than a man in uniform may well use this weekend to their advantage. They were probably the type who loved being accused of flirting with teachers at school and now they’ve found another figure of authority to batt their eyelids at, take selfies with and grind up on.
4. The Balloon Animals
These barely-legal young boys have decided to go on a ‘mad one’ this Bank Holiday and are using the carnival as an excuse. They excitedly roam the streets, with an awfully rolled joint that they paid way too much for in hand, loudly seeking the next supply of laughing gas, while secretly worrying that they’ll be caught on camera and be seen by Mummy at home. They’ve already organised their after-party tickets, but there’s a strong possibility that they’ll either peak at 6pm or get taken in by the police for being annoying as hell.
5. Posh Peerers
It’s the one weekend of the summer that these folk are actually staying in their luxury 4 story town house. They’ve got a fresh glow after returning from a spontaneous stint on their yacht Mykonos and now Daddy’s given them and their pals free reign over the London pad. So they’ll watch the parade from their ivory tower (without leaving) sipping on punch made from a 1940’s bottle of Wray and Nephew, avoiding all the sticky splashes of Bacardi, sweat and fun going on below. You can’t help but look up and ogle at the house as you pass, but know that you’re having a better time getting down and dirty.
6. The Perpetually-Happy People
Carnival is bound to bring out smiles, celebration and sequin-covered happiness, but there are some guys there who are just SO f*cking happy. This guy will speak to everyone, dance with everyone, chuckle at everything anyone says, cartwheel through puddles and still manage to keep his trilby hat dry. They’ll probably be wandering around on their own, weaving their way between groups of people who act like they’ve known them for years. You envy their ability to emanate only good vibes (after you’ve just spent 15 minutes complaining about the smell of the porta-loo). Yes, they’ve probably had their fair dose of magic-juice, but all the Red Stripe in the world couldn’t put that sort of smile on your face.
7. The People Hating Every Second
They never wanted to be here, but their friends dragged them along anyway with the promise that this year ‘would be better’. The sun could be shining & the atmosphere could be glorious, but these guys will find fault in everything.You could throw all of the Red Stripe and fun freebie pairs of sunglasses in the world at this person, but you won’t get more than a fake-ass smile. Curried goat? Gross. People everywhere? Eurgh. They’re probably whining about the fact that they have to carry an umbrella in their bag, because it didn’t actually rain…
Feature image: Imgur