The 7 Stages Of Attempting To Have A BBQ In London

Harry Hassall Harry Hassall

The 7 Stages Of Attempting To Have A BBQ In London

When it comes to barbecuing, everyone has their own style, there are those who do things the right way and those who do it the wrong way. Overall however, if you’re planning a barbecue in sunny London you will almost certainly find yourself in these situations.



Finding a barbecue: If you’re lucky enough to own one already then you can skip this step. However, if you’re like the rest of us then this poses a genuine conundrum, as any reasonably sized supermarket becomes a scene from an al fresco dining themed disaster movie whenever the sun shows itself.


Buying the meat: As straightforward as it comes, everyone likes burgers, kebabs and sausages right? Right… except Michael is bringing his girlfriend who’s a gluten-free vegan on a strict no-carb, so schedule an extra half an hour to search for whatever bizarre meat substitute she’s asked for.


Amassing the alcohol: The main ingredient in any first-rate barbecue and the keystone of all British social occasions, picking up a few “tinnies” is a must, and is almost certainly the root cause of all barbecue-related mishaps and injuries.



Finding somewhere to do it: Again if you’re fortunate enough to own your own patch of grass move along (we’re all very jealous by the way). For everyone else, it can be tricky to find a suitable spot, especially one not occupied by men in vests and fedoras rocking an acoustic guitar (although “rocking” is a generous term), which won’t cost you multiple limbs in council fines. If you’re struggling with this we’ve got an article which can help you here.


Getting the fire started: A spanner in the works of many an occasion, all the planning in the world is pointless if you can’t get the damn thing going. Expect to use at least 10 fire-lighters and prepare yourself for the eventuality that you may start your own localized ‘great fire of London’.


Cooking the food: No-one here is a chef, but John helped out at his dad’s 50th BBQ, which essentially makes him an expert. Fully expect to hear the words, “you can eat beef raw anyway,” what they mean is, “may be stay away from the chicken and pork.” At least there’s plenty of booze left!


Packing up: Proceedings are usually called to a halt when the weather wakes up and realises where it is, but luckily we all know the drill, after a swift five minute turnaround, regroup in the shelter of the nearest bus stop to discuss which pub you’ll be heading on to.



Featured image: Wordtography 

Tags: bbq, funny, summer
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