Monday mornings in London are always a strange one. The city is waking up again after the weekend and everyone is crawling back into action… Here are 6 of the most common Londoners you’ll meet on a Monday morning.
1. The Suited City Guy
You’ve never met this guy before but you already know he’s a banker He just reeks of it. Money and briefcases follow him around as he sits immaculate and neat even first thing on a Monday morning. He shows no sign of weekend tiredness and even if he spent his Saturday and Sunday climbing Everest he’d never show it. The only slight giveaway may be the almost invisible line of sleepiness just chillin’ under his eyes.
2. The Hanger On
This guy or gal is quite literally hanging onto to back of the weekend, clawing it back as best they can. They are 100% still smashed out of their face and probably wearing neon sunglasses to shield their tired eyes from the ensuing sunrise. They can feel the buzz of the weekends toxins slowly sweating out and make the desperate attempt to top them up sipping from a can of red stripe as the night tube sadly but surely turns into the regular tube.
3. The Walking Hangover
The walking hangover is a foreshadow of what’s to come for The Hanger On. Looking at this guys face you may mistaken him/her for your bog standard grumpy, early morning Londoner but look closely at the unique markings and you’ll discover the essence of The Walking Hangover. The dark red bloodshot eyes – a reminder of weekend jager shots, propelled forward by lifeless legs – a reminder of being the life of the party and a banging headache – the result of, well, head banging leaves this poor soul a mere shell of a person. Do not get in it’s way, The Walking Hangover is known for spouts of Hanger and occasional tears.
4. Your Missing Coworker
Although nothing is said an air of suspicion loiters around your workplace. The presence of Your Missing Coworker is felt owing to their lack of presence. Their empty chair teases you with questions such as ‘I thought I saw her at that party on Saturday?’ and ‘Didn’t he say he was taking a ‘long weekend’ to Paris?’ Of course, upon their miraculous return on Tuesday none of these questions are posed. Instead, you show off how petty you can truly be by smiling sweetly and asking ‘are you feeling any better?’
5. The Post-Holiday Guy
Smugness oozes off of this jammy bastard and hits you right in the face. With their newly topped up tan and remarks such as ‘oh yeah the weather was lovely!’ you can’t help but succumb to the obviously intended envy. Of course they’ll show you 100 photos until your eyes start rolling onto other things and you can do nothing but smile through gritted teeth and pleasantly yawn ‘oh looks lovely’ in a dead sort of way.
6. The Student
Clad in oversized backpack and enthusiastic smile every Monday is a new opportunity for a student and every Monday they tell themselves ‘I will go to every lecture this week!’ even though deep down they know it isn’t true. With student nights midweek this happy camper probably isn’t suffering from any weekend hangovers and will stride out with pride (or walk out with shame) ready to tackle the new week.
Feature Image: [smosh]