Your journeys always go something like this…
1. Please, for the love of Cronuts, let there be enough money on my Oyster.
2. You’d better not push in front of me.
3. Seriously, I have elbows and I’m not afraid to use them.
4. If you’re going to walk down the escalator, please do it at a reasonable speed.
5. I’m pretty sure this is where the doors will open.
6. But that guy a few inches down looks pretty sure too…
7. Maybe he is right?!
8. Ha! Knew it.
9. Dammit, I should have walked further down the platform, those carriages looked so much emptier.
10. Who actually reads these adverts anyway?
11. Oh shit, I’m reading the adverts.
12. I’ve fallen into the trap.
13. Consumerism is taking over the world.
14. I bet it costs a fortune to advertise on the tube…
15. I wonder what song he’s listening to?
16. I bet he’s an Indie Rock kinda guy.
17. Aw, that couple look so in love.
18. Ew, okay, you can stop snogging now.
19. Is she pregnant?
20. Does she want a seat?
21. Oh God, what if she’s not pregnant?
22. I’m going to avoid sitting in these priority seats from now on, it’s far too much pressure.
23. This journey feels like it’s taking longer than usual.
24. There are over 8 million people in this city and I have to have your armpit in my face?
25. Am I there yet?
26. Oops, I just made eye contact.
27. I even smiled.
28. Everyone’s going to think I’m insane.
29. You’re really not going to fit on this train, mate.
30. Holy shit, how did you manage to fit?
31. He’s going to get his head trapped in the door…
32. Ouch, that must’ve hurt.
33. Only one more stop. Finally.
34. I really should have positioned myself better, now I’m going to have to clamber over all of these people in order to get out.
35. Ow, that was my shin.
36. Ugh, I really do not appreciate your rucksack in my face.
37. Right, my stop.
38. Why is nobody else moving?
39. Okay, this is an issue.
40. Get out of my way.
41. Seriously, move.
42. Well thank God that’s over.
43. Wait, why are we queuing?
44. What is it with our obsession with queuing in this country?
45. It’s okay, I’ll make up the time by running up the escalator.
46. Oh, nope, looks like we’re standing on both sides today. Fantastic.
47. Why hasn’t this woman got her Oyster ready?
48. You’re the type of person I hate the most.
49. Yes! Freedom! Fresh air!
50. Well fresh-er air. Who am I kidding?
Feature image: Flickr / Michael Maher