So unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past week, you’ve probably already seen the pictures of Austalian cafe Patissez’s ‘Freakshakes’. Whipping up a viral frenzy of marshmallows, pretzels and Nutella, these gut-busting drinks have quickly been crowned the most indulgent beverage of all time. And they’re littering Instagram feeds all over the world. We’re still searching high and low for an equivalent in London (ahem – gap in the market alert) but whilst we do that we thought you might like to know a few places where you can try some equally inventive creations…in cocktail form. Because what we lack in whipped cream and decorative baked goods, we make up for in the hard stuff. I love you, London.
1. The Toy Shop, Putney
The Toy Shop does some pretty wacky things with their drinks. We’ve heard all sorts of rumours – from the bizarre but believable (chocolate lego and toasted marshmallows anyone?) to the plain old bonkers (drinks served in robot torsos?!) Their Thursday night Happy Hours are definitely worth a try too – £5 cocktails from 5-8pm. Get. Me. To. Putney.
32 Putney High St
2. The Jam Tree, Clapham
A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down? We don’t know about that but a spoonful of JAM really gets the vodka slipping smoothly. Aesthetically speaking, these might not seem like the most ‘out-there’ drinks but trust me, a Wham Bam Thank You Jam, consisting of Cariel vanilla vodka, black raspberry Chambord and passion fruit Passoa with raspberry jam and sour mix topped with popping candy is enough to get your heart racing…fast. And event discovery Fever app have a deal that might even make your heart stop: 2 cocktails for £15 today and tomorrow. You can choose between the Jammy Dodger, Pearl Jam, Jam Mojito and Wham Bam Thank You Jam – no prizes for guessing what they all contain.
13-19 Old Town
3. Dirty Bones, Kensington
Dirty Bones definitely know how to do a dirty digestif. Their 101 Dalmatians (Baileys Chocolate, Finlandia Vodka, Disaronno, Cream and Chocolate Chip Ice Cream) is an artery-blocking affair. And we love it. Their alcohol-free shakes are pretty special too: Shadow is the best (malted milk & chocolate ice cream, milk, oreo and chocolate sauce) and you can even add a shot of Bourbon, Kahlua or Vodka to make it, well, not so alcohol-free. Skip dessert and opt for one of these instead – you’ll feel good for passing on pudding but at the same time, really really bad.
20 Kensington Church St
4. Walk In Cloud Cocktail, Borough Market
And finally, this one just had to have a mention. It doesn’t involve cream or oreos, but it is a MASSIVE CLOUD OF BOOZE. A six-month-long installation at Borough Market brought to you by food experimentalists Bompas & Parr will be creating a drink in gas-form (one-part booze to three-parts mixer) for your enjoyment. You’ll need to wear a protective suit and you’re allowed to spend up to an hour walking around in the stuff, getting tipsy from inhaling it and letting it seep into your eyeballs (ew). Apparently absorbing it is much healthier, as it bypasses the liver and you’ll only be inhaling one shot’s worth… Enough to get you feeling a bit light-headed (or totally legless, if you’re me).
Opens 30th July.
And now, for your own personal enjoyment, we leave you with a few more pics of the famous freakshakes…
And here’s their cakes. Just…because.
ENOUGH! No more!