36 Things You Still Don’t Know After Living In London For Five Years

And so another year passes us by…. But still one mystery remains: why are there still so many things that we don’t know about you, London?

 

1. If you’ll ever be able to buy a house.

2. If you’ll ever be able to buy a drink.

3. Why there are buttons to close the doors on the tube when they don’t actually do anything.

4. Why there are still people that get on the tube EVERY MORNING and think that these buttons do something.

5. If pressing the button at a traffic light multiple times actually makes the green man come quicker.

Just tap it and forget about it. [Telegraph]
6. What “Off-Peak” means.

7. And who travels to work at those ridiculous hours anyway?!

8. Wait, that’s the point.

9. Why the floors in 151 are so sticky.

10. Why the HELL you know what the floors are like in such a terrible club.

11. Why there is stuff in Poundland that costs more than a pound.

YOU ARE LYING.

12. If the Waterloo and City line actually exists.

13. What “up-and-coming” means.

14. And “gentrified”.

15. And what has to happen to make an “up-and-coming” place “gentrified”.

16. And why it always involves a Foxtons.

No really, how do you sleep at night? [Vice]
17. How to say Holborn.

18. How to say Mahreyoleboene.

19. How to spell Marylebone.

20. Why there are more bankers in Brixton now than there are in Canary Wharf.

21. Why bankers are allowed out anywhere but Canary Wharf.

22. Why they didn’t bother finishing the top of the Shard.

23. Where is cool if Dalston isn’t.

Dalston-HERO
Dalston is dead. [Evening Standard]
24. Where is cool if Peckham isn’t.

25. Why Lewisham is cool.

26. What even is Lewisham?

27. Why people think London is dangerous.

28. And by people, I mean your mum.

29. Lol, “your mum”.

30. Why changing at Bank still makes you sweat. 

31. If Cockfosters is a real place or whether they just made it up to give you something to smile about on the tube.

[It’s all an illusion…]
32. Why you’re here.

33. When you can’t afford to do anything.

34. Or see anyone.

35. Or go anywhere.

36. But why you’d also never want to be anywhere else in the world.

You don’t look like this but we luv ya anyway.
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