It all started off so well, didn’t it? The internal mantra “New year, new me” propelled you at ease through the first week. Fruit juice wasn’t even making too much of an appearance by the weekend…just perhaps a coca cola with your Sunday roast and a glass of milk before bed. But by the middle of the next week things start to turn sour. The tonic water with lemon has reared its ugly head, and you sip through clenched teeth, using all the powers of your imagination to fool yourself that there is gin in it. But there isn’t. No one slipped it in there without you looking. You’re alone on a Friday night, because that’s all you can do. You do not possess the willpower to go out, and you certainly can’t go on any dates sober. So you stay in. Yearning for even the faintest taste of wine upon your lips, and dreaming of all the exotic cocktails you will drink in February, despite having never even liked cocktails before now…it didn’t used to be like this. It will get easier, won’t it?
1. Pffff, one month? Easy!
2. I don’t even drink that much anyway.
3. Honestly, maybe like a glass of wine or two on a Friday night, a cocktail on a Saturday. But that’s pretty much it!
4. I know i’m not at the doctors right now and don’t need to lie. But I genuinely don’t drink much.
5. It’s actually going to be really fun. You know, going out and watching everyone else drunk.
6. I bet I won’t even want to start drinking again! I’ll realise how much people embarrass themselves. It’ll be eye opening.
7. It’s only been 4 days? That can’t be right.
8. It feels like it’s been longer. A lot longer.
9. I’m bored of staying in. Thank god it’s a busy week.
10. I’ll work so hard that i’ll just want to go straight to bed. And not even have time to think about alcohol.
11. Of course. As soon as I stop drinking I come down with something nasty.
12. Oh, it’s tonsillitis? Great.
12. Maybe alcohol isn’t so bad for you after all.
13. BINGO! Maybe i’ll get those antibiotics that make you violently sick if you get even a whiff of booze!
14. Of course not. Will power – I will be relying solely on you.
15. Ok, I must get out of this house. It’ll be good practice to be around temptation.
16. I’ll have a ginger beer, please. Nope, not the alcoholic one.
17. Avert your eyes. Come onnn! That pint doesn’t look that good.
18. GET ME THE F*CK HOME NOW! THIS IS HORRENDOUS.
19. Ok. Quiet nights in from now on…that’s me told.
20. Hmmm…a glass of red and chocolate would be nice.
21. Why the f*ck did I decide to healthy eat at the same time as dry January?
22. I’m in a bad place. I’m not sure this is worth it.
23. I’m not even doing it for a charity.
24. Maybe I should set up a Just Giving page now to actually make all this pain worthwhile.
25. There we go. Now surely it’ll be easier.
*Week goes by*
26. Alriiiight, I’m half way through. Two weekends down, two to go.
27. Shit, i’ve been invited to a party this weekend. SHIIIIIIITTTTTT.
28. Man I miss my friends.
29. Is it bad that my social life revolves around boozing so much? Probably…
30. What else are we supposed to do? Maybe we should get hobbies…
31. But even those life drawing classes I looked up came with a free glass of wine! Damn it already.
32. Yeh, we’ll go with that…
33. No one has to know…
Featured Image Credit: Montcalm