Because, let’s be honest, Canada is going to be pretty full and Brexit has stepped out from under the political limelight of shame right now.
is this what Brexit felt like
— Max Landis (@Uptomyknees) 9 November 2016
Yes, yes it is Max. But come to London and we can all sit around, drink craft ale and pretend 2016 isn’t happening. There’s just a couple of pointers you should know…
1. People cross the road whenever the fuck they want.
2. And, as a pedestrian, you should probably be more fearful of cyclists than buses.
3. If someone wants to ‘get in your pants’, they don’t just like your jeans.
4. We eat with our forks facing down, not up like a spoon.
5. Free healthcare is great.. if you can get yourself into a GP surgery in London and don’t mind missing a whole day of work to get an appointment, just to be told you have a sore throat and need some Lemsip.
6. Lemsip, by the way, is a gross lemon flavoured, bile-coloured hot drink that will save your life when you have a cold.
7. Which you will get over here, because it’s freezing right now.
8. You’ll notice that no one can grasp the appropriate amount of layers to wear outside.
9. On no occasion should you enter M&M world. You deserve some proper chocolate during this dark hour.
10. We bloody love brunch over here now, so thanks for that one. Check out these boozy brunch spots you should head straight to on your arrival.
11. Please behave yourself on Black Friday – if you want to move here, you’ll have to learn how to queue like a Brit.
12. The only ‘guns’ you’ll hear about here are the ones at the overpriced gyms.
13. Our ‘subway’ is called the Underground/tube/tunnel of commuter hell.
14. And on our actual ‘subways’, we walk.
15. You’ll soon discover that 3 minutes is a long time to wait.
16. The ‘Northern Line’ does also take you south.
17. Don’t move here if you just want to see the Queen. It’s not going to happen.
Dear 2016, would you kindly PISS OFF. Regards, The Queen.
— Elizabeth Windsor (@Queen_UK) 9 November 2016
18. Don’t be fooled – this man isn’t related to Trump.
19. We’re obsessed with the possibility of snow. And when it comes it looks like a grey, thin sludge. But we’re still excited.
20. And when it’s above 23 degrees, you better get ready to race to the beer garden, spend 4 hours in a traffic jam on your way to the beach or just complain that it’s too damn hot.
21. Chips are called crisps and fries are called chips, but they’re thicker than US fries. Oh, and there is a crisp restaurant opening called HipChips, just to confuse you.
22. You don’t have to tip the man who hands you the Evening Standard. Or everyone you see.
23. If someone shouts ‘free Stylist’ at you on the street, they aren’t offering up Gok Wan’s services. They’re giving you a magazine.
24. Oh, and we walk everywhere. We even walk miles inside the tube stations. Like Bank.
25. Bank is a tube station, not a bank.
26. No one will come to your party if you live in Zone 4.
27. Expect soul-awakening foodgasms when you try beans on toast for the first time.
Featured image credit: Twitter – Three Stags Pub