Nobody said it was easy. (Now read that again to the tune of The Scientist and pretend you’re Chris Martin).
1. Initially, the tube will baffle you. You’ll probably go in the wrong direction a few times before becoming a master.
2. You’ll wait patiently at every pedestrian crossing because you don’t trust the cars. Or the bikes. Or the scooterers.
3. And you’ll be surprised by how many grown adults ride scooters. (To clarify, we’re referring to kick scooters and no, we don’t think they’re cool).
4. You’ll take an umbrella with you everywhere you go. You know, just in case.
5. You’ll think you’re super trendy and cool (which you are, of course) and when your friends come to visit you’ll take them to the only 4 places you’ve actually been to.
6. At least one of which will be a cocktail bar in Shoreditch.
7. You’ll be gobsmacked by the lack of conversation on public transport.
8. And you won’t be prepared for the sheer amount of sweat on the tube — yours and others’.
9. You’ll think the Primark on Oxford Street is a great place to shop. This won’t last.
10. You’ll notice that people drink at every hour of the day, on every day of the week.
11. And they’ll eat brunch at any hour of the day, too — which, let’s be honest, doesn’t make any sense.
12. You’ll also notice that said brunch will almost always be washed down with bottomless booze. (London is very good at brunch).
13. You’ll learn that people will not treat you kindly if you stand on the left of the escalator.
14. Nor if you walk slowly.
15. You’ll notice that there are lots and lots of pigeons that have absolutely no fear whatsoever of humankind.
16. You’ll realise that life in London — and most conversation — revolves around the weather.
17. You’ll let out a little screech every time the bartender tells you how much your drink costs. (Warning: this will never end).
18. You’ll sit at the front of a red double decker bus, just for the sake of sitting at the front of a red double decker bus.
19. You’ll make a big list of “Places You Absolutely Must Go” and then hardly make a dent in it.
20. You’ll hail a black cab, and then immediately regret hailing said black cab when you see the starting price on the meter.
21. You’ll enjoy the novelty of having bars and pubs on your doorstep. Until the bartender knows you by name and you start to wonder if you have a drinking problem.
22. You’ll go out for dinner at least 3 times a week.
23. You’ll have every intention of going to all the tourist spots. But, chances are, if you haven’t done it in the first three weeks, it probably won’t ever happen.
24. And you will constantly have moments of “Holy shit, I actually live in London. How cool am I?”
If you’ve recently moved to the capital, perhaps you’ll recognise these 19 Mistakes Everybody Makes When They First Move To London.
Feature Image: Flickr/mariusz kluzniak