23 Things You Should Never Do In London

Lucy Bloxham Lucy Bloxham

23 Things You Should Never Do In London

“Just don’t do it, ok? You will get pregnant…and die”. Ok, maybe not, but there are some unwritten (actually, some of them are written) rules that one must abide by in order to survive our wonderfully mad city.


1. Stand on the left.

2. Eat on public transport. Unless you’d like to feature in one of the many terrible, terrible ‘Women Who Eat On Tubes’-type websites. There are eyes everywhere. 

3. Public Displays of Affection.

4. Take the tube from Leicester Square to Covent Garden. Unless you’re an idiot.

5. Queue jump.

6. Go to M&M World.

7. Ask where the Queen lives.

8. Ask where anything is.

9. Forget your umbrella. Ever.

Whoops. Sorry. Our mistake…

10. Bother saving your change for the bus.

11. Pop in here for a nice juicy steak. 

12. Rush. Hour.

13. Mimic a cockney accent. Seriously. It will never sound good.

14. Walk too slowly. You’ll piss people off.

15. Walk too fast. You’re not kidding anyone, Mr ‘Important Meeting To Go To’.

16. Stop in the middle of the pavement/walkway/tube.

17. Refer to ‘London’ as ‘Landan’.

18. Cycle in a suit/without a helmet/without lights/without common sense.

19. Have a phone conversation on public transport.

20. Play your music so loud that everyone else can hear your god-awful taste.

21. Make eye contact.

22. Make physical contact.

23. Smile.

It doesn’t suit any of us. [Giphy]

Featured Image Credit: Hexjam

Tags: funny
Things To Do