23 Stages Of Watching Your Friend’s ‘New Year, New Me’ Plan Unfold

Alex Landon Alex Landon - Editor

New me

“2018: time for a new me!” Now where have we heard that before? Ah yes, 2017, 2016, 2015…

Anyone who’s had to listen to the trials and tribulations of a friend doing Dry January, Veganuary, or any other “I’m going to be a better person-uary” will know exactly how this feels.

1. It starts with a big announcement and much fanfare.

2. You’ve heard this before, and quite frankly, you’re sceptical.

3. Remember the whole “I’m going to run the London marathon” debacle last year?

4. But you’re a good person, so you’ll be supportive.

5. Even if you want no part of it.

6. Even if you really want to say something snarky.

7. Like, seriously badly.

8. Because this will be hell for you.

9. All that “veganism makes you a better person” and “actually, I don’t miss alcohol all that much” makes you want to scream at them.

10. Hold your tongue, friend.

11. Surprisingly, they might actually do pretty well this time.

12. You might question why you ever doubted them.

13. But it’s probably your faithful support keeping them going anyway.

14. Give yourself a bit more credit!

15. Despite your best efforts, the cracks will start to show.

16. And sure enough, they’ll give the whole silly thing up.

17. First things first: celebrate the return of your deeply flawed (but utterly lovable) friend!

18. And then say the magic words you’ve been dying to say.

19. Seriously, just go to town on them.

20. They deserve everything they get, because those two weeks felt like so much longer.

21. Could have been worse, they could have been stuck this way forever.

22. Yep. So just count yourself lucky they’ve come back to you.

23. Until next year, when the whole “new year, new me” thing starts again…

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