Londoners tend to be made of stronger stuff than most. We queue, speed walk and withstand crowds better than anyone else, so it’s no wonder that some wannabe Londoners can’t keep up with the pace of the city. Some of us just aren’t destined to live the London life and, as the saying goes, ‘if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen’, so here are 22 signs that might show you the way…
1. You allow people to blatantly cut in front of you in queues without giving them a stern telling-off
You should at least make a sarcastic comment at this point. “Excuse me, I think you might not have noticed there’s a line here“.
2. You hate pop-ups
They’re everywhere, so you might as well just embrace them and start getting excited about cherry blossom cocktail bars and avocado festivals.
3. You feel sympathy towards tourists
They’re a nuisance and you hate them. Got it?
4. You hate crowds
If you’re looking for personal space, London isn’t the place to find it.
5. You stand on the left hand side of the escalator
There are signs telling you not to stand there almost every few feet. When will you learn?!
6. You walk slowly
We don’t waste time ambling around here. It’s a speed walk or nothing, so get used to it.
7. You push onto the tube without allowing people to get off first
Some things will just never be acceptable.
8. You can’t get your head around the London prices
Things are more expensive here because London is worth it. It’s the price we pay to live in this city and we pay it gladly.
9. You can’t pronounce simple place names such as Leicester Square or Marylebone
We’ve honestly even heard people pronouncing Thames as ‘thh-aims’.
10. You don’t say please or thank you
“I’ll have a pint of lager please” “That’s £4.50 please” “Thank you” “Thank you”
11. You speak too loudly
Unless you’re in a nightclub or some other suitably loud location, you should be using your ‘inside voice’.
12. You start up conversations on the tube
You’re not from around here, are you?
13. You don’t understand sarcasm or you’re overly sensitive
We’re honestly only joking. We probably even quite like you, so try not to take offence.
14. You haven’t decided exactly what you want to eat/drink before being served at a bar/pub/club/coffee shop
You’re wasting everyone else’s time as well as your own.
15. You don’t stand up for pregnant/disabled/elderly people on public transport
It’s called chivalry, and, in London, it certainly isn’t dead.
16. You don’t have your Oyster card ready before you get to the barrier
You might not have important places to get to, but the people behind you certainly do, so be prepared.
17. You stop unexpectedly in the middle of crowded streets
Unless you actually enjoy the human contact that comes with being crashed into, don’t do it. In fact, just don’t do it.
18. You don’t use contactless
Eventually places are going to start saying “sorry we don’t take cash”. Roll with it!
19. You don’t use public transport
No self-respecting Londoner commutes by car.
20. You do use public transport for inappropriately short journeys
If you think it’s acceptable to take the tube between Covent Garden and Leicester Square you definitely don’t belong here. Get walking!
21. You put your bag on the seat beside you when sitting down on public transport
If you’re going to do this you’re going to have to be prepared to field comments like “oh, did you pay for your bag’s seat, too?”. It’s not worth it.
22. You live in London and don’t feel extremely proud of your city
You honestly might as well just go home.
Feature Image: Cat Burton