There’s a hangover. And there’s a London hangover.
1. Where am I??
3. Oh god.
4. What happened last night?
5. Ok…so there are seven Uber receipt e mails…
*delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete*
6. F*ck London being so big.
7. When on god’s earth is the night tube going to happen?
8. Uber is literally my most serious relationship at the moment.
*A whimper escapes*
9. I don’t even want to THINK about the bank account.
11. How much did I drink last night?
12. I am never drinking again.
13. I can feel my liver crying.
14. And my soul.
15. What even IS that part of my body hurting?
16. Oh god.
17. I’ve finally done it.
18. I’ve finally given myself alcohol poisoning.
19. I’m dying.
20. Am I dead?
21. Maybe this is hell.
22. Is this hell?
23. This is definitely hell.
24. Oh no.
26. Why did I do this?
27. I knew that 11th tequila shot was a bad idea…
29. Don’t think about tequila.
30. DON’T THINK ABOUT TEQUILA.
31. Oh man.
32. Is this what adult life is like?
33. Have I peaked already?
34. I need an adult to help me.
35. But I am an adult…
36. Ok, I should go and get some water. That would be the adult thing to do.
37. One, two, threeee…
38. Nope. No water it is, then…
40. I said that i’d go for brunch today.
41. Why do I live in a city where people actually enjoy going to pop ups for brunch at the weekend?
42. I genuinely don’t think I can afford to eat for a month after last night.
43. Never mind spending £7 on a bacon sandwich.
44. Or eating a bacon sandwich, for that matter.
45. Well, at least this whopper of a hangover might make up a bit of the money I rinsed last night.
46. Ok, little by little. Let’s see what the weather’s like at least.
47. BAAAHHHHH! My eyes! MY EYES!
*Promptly falls over*
48. This is ridiculous.
45. I’m a disgrace.
46. And have brought shame upon the human race.
47. My family would be so disappointed in me if they could see me now.
48. Everyone hates me don’t they.
49. Oh god. I wonder if I did anything embarrassing last night.
50. I will have.
51. And all my friends will hate me for it.
52. Maybe that’s why I haven’t heard from them yet this morning.
*Checks call list*
54. Please don’t tell me I rang Tinder guy 37 times last night.
55. Tell me it’s not true.
56. Sh*t. One of them shows that he picked up…
57. Goodbye social life.
58. Goodbye any chances of ever marrying.
59. Goodbye alcohol. Forever.
60. Oh, hang on. I remember someone saying there were going to be bottomless booze at this brunch…
61. Well, living in this great city and all…it would be a shame to waste a Saturday by staying in bed.
62. Oh what the hell…one, TWO…